Log :)

Community

2012-02-08T00:30:00.002+08:00

I thank God for this evening. Something about meeting up to pray or to worship on a weekday night that just uplifts my spirit. The most blessed thing about this evening however, was how I felt in communion with MSC. That no matter what has happened in the past, in the end I still know that they are still around cause of that love of Christ. To that, I must affirm them.

Don't know how many of you felt this way, but to me, you can feel it. You can feel it during worship, whether people are at peace at each other. Which brings me to the question, "Why does YMC not feel like this?" Why does everything feel forced at times? Do people not want to worship together? Is it not the same God that we are praising? Is it not the same spirit which is driving our every being?

I had this awesome teacher once in CJ, who converted from a Methodist to Catholism. She shared with us her own conversion experience, and the burning question prompted her to be a Catholic. If it is one spirit which moves us, why are Christians so divided.

I do pray that all communities grow more and more in communion with Jesus, and in that we may grow into that communion of communities. For now however, I guess I can only work on myself to be more in communion with God.

Swee

2012-02-04T13:43:00.004+08:00

morning y'all,

I was thinking about the cutting off of emotions or feeling less. Most people would think that feeling less emotions or certain particular emotions helps us function better.

But i think that it might make us less aware of certain things like our person and most notably creates a void (an emptiness) that makes us hungry. Hungry such that we seek pleasure(often ending up in addictions) and noise to satiate this void.

It is not about feeling less or more, but holding off the excess or lacking. Of course, situational.

Have a nice day.

dom

A Culture of Discipleship - let's make it happen

2012-01-16T08:29:00.003+08:00

**I'm posting this here cos I think this especially applies to us (cos of our introvertedness). Even our younger ones. Or rather, especially our younger ones. Y'all are among the most mature 18 year olds I've seen anywhere. It's God's gift. So it needs to be used for the Kingdom =)

Jude says, "Come, I test you all. This one yall better know one. What is community about?"

We mumble some random nonsense. There's a little awkward silence. Then Jude gives us the answer.

"Discipleship."

Adding the words 'Jude says' in front of any point we want to make gives it that much more persuasive force. That's because it's Jude. It's not so much that he's a seminarian who strikes people whenever he speaks (yes he's that loud). It's more of the fact that he journeyed with us. He devoted his evenings of his university days to have chats with us after daily mass to build bonds. He guided our formation. He was a part of our growing up. In short, he discipled us - like many other members of MSC did, in our earlier years.

Somewhere along the way in the grand vision of YM, we lost that element of discipleship- especially across communities. In establishing our communities, we concretized them. We wanted our communities to be unique, to have our own identity. We wanted to make our communities a place where people could belong, a safe place, a secure place. We made them so secure that other people couldn't get in. Other communities couldn't get in. The lines were so clearly drawn. YV is YV's responsibility. LoG is LoG's responsibility. Same with the rest. Each community is going at their own pace. Each community has different needs. And slowly, we stopped interfering with each other. We stopped discipling each other. We became individualistic.

There is a certain sense of territoriality in our communities today that goes against the words in our creed - 'one, holy, catholic and apostolic church'. There have been initiatives of course that cut across the community lines, and give great cause for hope - the band, talk about unity within YM, frisbee, badminton etc. But it needs to start happening more. It needs to start happening now.

There are many forms of discipleship. I will touch on two in particular that we need in YM right now - (1) mentorship; and (2) journeying.

I refer to mentorship as the guiding of a person less experienced in a certain skill. An example would be when I got Tsui to do session with me for St Bern's camp and showed him everything that I did to prepare for a session. We need mentorship for two reasons. The first is to empower the younger ones who are up and coming. They need to have their share of giving. The second is that we need a larger service team. YM is huge but yet it's the same few people doing the same old things over and over again. We will burn out. Our camps are becoming more advanced and we need larger and better equipped service teams to run the numerous (increasingly, with requests from other parishes) camps that we have throughout the year.

I refer to journeying as the long-term (over months perhaps) keeping up with another person, to be a part of his life and to share your insights and experiences with him. As mentioned above, Jude would be the classic example. We need this because many of our younger ones are not being formed in the way the older ones were - with role models to look up to.

At this point, I speak especially for the new sec 4 community. As SFX's youngest community, and being estranged from the rest of YM, they are in need of discipleship more than ever. I would like to appeal to the rest of YM to proactively reach out to them. Specifically, I request 3 things:

1). Reach out and speak to them whenever the opportunity arises. Get to know them. They need to be connected to the rest of YM, which is made extra-difficult by the fact that their sessions are on Saturdays whereas everyone else's is on Sundays.

2). Journey with them. Check up on your ex-confirmands and find out how they're doing. Find out about their lives. Have chats with them over dinners after mass. God knows that more lives are changed through late night chats at suppers than at retreats.

3). Mentor them. When you are given the opportunity to serve in some way, grab a younger one get them to step up with you. Show them the ropes. Teach them the little things - the handsigns in P&W, where to find friday bible sharing reflections, how to behave when you're a facil, what info you need to know when you do a session etc. These things have to be passed down. It'd be too selfish of us not to. It'd be too shortsighted of us not to.

Over the course of their formation, we'll also be asking people to help out with doing sessions for the sec 4s. These are the best opportunities for the rest of YM to get to know them better and for journeying to start happening. I hope y'all respond enthusiastically =)

"Go, make disciples of all the nations", Jesus tells us. It's not just about the sec 4s. It's not just about cross-community journeying. It's about everyone. It's about nurturing in people around us a life of holiness. It's about instilling a culture of mentorship, journeying, and ultimately discipleship.

At the end of discipleship is a vision. It is a vision of integration and unity. A vision where the lines of the individual communities soften and blur. A vision where there is a continual reaching out to one another, where everyone is interested in the future and looking to raise a new generation. There's been so much talk about it. Let's make it happen.

The ups, the downs and all that remains

2012-01-07T19:03:00.002+08:00

Since I don't have my own blog, I shall just pen down some of my own thoughts here.

I think life is always filled with ups and downs. For some, the oscillations are frequent and large and for some damped. We feel the rises and the falls. We get restless while on our peaks, start fidgeting and slip off the sides to our lows again, while there is no where but up at our troughs.

Personally, I do not like having to go through the dark times of my soul. The bitter loneliness that plagues my heart always lingers in the shadows, waiting to pounce on me at any time of distress. However, the more I harden myself to the emotions and fears, the more I lose all feeling in my times of joy.

Some may have asked, why have I been so down through periods of the last year. I probably wasn't always down. I would say that there has been a lack of joy and a lack of sorrow, the lack of strife and the lack of success, a lack of loneliness and a lack of communion.

To say that love is just a feeling is to degrade it. I want to be love, I want to love. I want to share your sorrows, rejoice in your joy. Support in your darkness and shine in your light. I want to be more than what we know now as a community member. For with each peak of my fluctuating state of life, there lies community, there lies my goals in church, there lies God.

I thank Melmel for his teaching during CSS. I thank Jude for telling me that it is not about being the perfect person to be worthy of God's live, but about being with God and wanting to be that perfect person.

For now, flawed and broken, I pray that we as community find God more and more each day. I'll try to blog more and keep in contact with your lives. Challenge you when I feel prompted to, console when needed. Ah! and I'll actually read twitter!

So as I said before, thanks for Christmas... It was EPIC.

<3 Swee

Prologue

2012-01-03T01:11:00.001+08:00

Start of 2011,

Log retreat

End of 2011,

Christmas

Kudos to a great year guys and here's to another lovely year with you guys.

With some of us venturing out to work, some navigating through school and some tackling the exams of their life.
Through healing, developing relationships, confusion, judgement, expectations, joy and love.

May we remain a Christ centered family overflowing with God's love. <3

-jes

2011-12-26T23:18:00.003+08:00

Hello everyone,
It was really nice seeing all of you at Christmas mass, and I am sorry I couldn't catch up more with you guys. I just really wanted to say thank you. I was expecting it to be awkward, and to be honest I was a little bit scared to step back into SFX after quite awhile. But I am really grateful that God led me there, despite me supposedly meant to be at another church. (I will explain in the next paragraph). I just really wanted to say thank you to all of you for being so welcoming even though I have drifted somewhat, and for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers all this while. I am truly grateful :)

I went to City Harvest twice, for those of you who know, the people I work with are from their dance ministry. I thought of giving City Harvest a try mainly because I was really drawn to the idea of using dance as a tool of serving God. I still am trying to find my place of ministry, that being what I've been trying to figure out for a long time now. As of now, I still do not know where God is leading me, so this is as far as I can share right now.

Hope everyone has had a very blessed Christmas :)

Love,
Rice

Awaken!

2011-12-22T03:00:00.000+08:00

I am not one to churn my thoughts into words. So I beg for one’s pardon if the words I have written seem incoherent.

The main lesson I took away from the Awaken Camp was, in the words of St. James, “ ...and someone will say: You have faith; I have deeds. Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. “

The words of scripture above cannot be read as such as I have put it. (For your reading pleasure, it comes from James 2) The lesson learnt is as such: faith without good works is nothing, and works without faith is just as dead.

For me, the Awaken experience could be considered a certain form of renewal. And perhaps I may boast that it did not affect considerably the way that I would lead my life; but only outwardly. This is because, from an external standpoint - the human standpoint, the life that I have been leading would not be considered bad in anyway. Many things that I do are not excessive; I am again proud to say that I do not think that I have committed any grievous sins; I pray and people have commented that I seem to be quite a good life!

Ah! But then you would say to yourself, “What a self-righteous fellow this person is!” And yes, you are perfectly correct to think and comment in such a manner. Through this camp, it has been brought more to my consciousness that I am a Pharisee. I am self-righteous, indignant and hypocritical. Who but a Pharisee can believe that he is better than another? And I believed that I was better! Again, not in outwardly things like looks (duh!) and grades, but of character and spirituality!

Alas, one can now connect the dots to St James’ words, albeit abruptly. St. James meant to say that if we have true faith, the faith that we could love as Jesus did, good works will follow. And we know that to be true. The love here being the love such that God gave his only son Jesus to die for us on the cross; the greatest love that a man can give for his friends is to die for them. Hence the faith here refers to and reveals the love that God has shown unto man. This real faith is one that will lead to good works being done for God’s glory.

That being said, how can good deeds without faith not be anything? For any man, we recognise that the capital sins are mostly extrinsic. Gluttony is the love for food; envy stems from comparison with others; lust, from the desire of pleasure. If we ponder carefully, we hence would realise that only the capital sin of pride is intrinsic. It is from within. Indeed, according to tradition, pride made the devil. It has also been widely considered that the sin of pride is the root for almost every other sin - it is the mother of all sins.

And for men to do good works without faith, or love, would results in the sin of pride. For he would be doing nothing for the glory of God, but only for the love of oneself. He becomes conceited, and perhaps a warped view of the world would result, as it has resulted in yours truly. The warped view that one is loved my God more than others; the stance that one is better than all others, and God’s favour rests upon him.

Through the camp’s experience, I have come to the concrete realisation that God loves all too much more than our puny human existence can even comprehend. God’s love is infinite and boundless. And timely enough this reminder has struck me as I undertake a role to lead my institution’s faith community.

I have to emphasize that this realisation did not just root itself my mind during this camp alone. I have been constantly aware of this particular fault of mine. However it was an arduous journey to find the strength to overcome this, especially when the cause of pride was a spiritual pride. But this camp did serve as a reminder and catalyst to ultimately find my catharsis.

As I recount my God experiences for the hope that people become inspired, it must be noted that I still lapse in my judgement. The only way to conquer spiritual pride is to believe and constantly remind oneself it is through the love of God that I am made whole.

My “awakening” or “renewal” or whatever you may call it, did not happen at any specific point during the camp. It is in retrospect that I acknowledge and appreciate the camp’s programme. Participating through the entire camp’s activities is crucial to have a wholesome understanding of the love of God - both in the mind and in the heart.

This camp is not very different from the other church camps one may have been to, in terms of structure. But I do have to add that this camp prepares oneself intensely to think and reflect on our past selves, so that we may be ready to receive and partake of God’s love that He meant for us. For it is not God that is denying us from His love when we sin, but rather it is ourselves that deny Him from loving us. Thus we expect the sacrament of reconciliation would have a part to play in this camp in preparing our journey to be reconciled with his boundless love once again.

Again, not to go into details, I recount my God experiences.

The following happened on Day 3:

... As the Father William began to make his rounds with the Blessed Sacrament, I prayed. I prayed for my heart to be open so that I would feel and experience God. As I looked towards the left where the priest was coming from, I closed my eyes and prayed. First normally, than in tongues. With my eyes closed, I heard a people coming around me to pray over me - some in tongues, some without. Then the darkness in my closed eyes turned a brilliant gold, and heat, so hot as if someone was putting a boiling kettle towards the face came. I moved back away from the heat from instinct, as I fell to the ground - painlessly and tearing.

Whilst on the ground, I prayed in tongues, a conscious tongues. But I still closed my eyes. I then decided, while still praying that I would get up. I opened my eyes, and tried to get up. But as if some invisible for was strapping me to the floor - I could not get up, for I felt too heavy and tired. I rested some more. After a few more minutes, could I then get up, although I was still feeling absolutely heavy. All this while I was still praying in tongues. I prayed till the Blessed Sacrament was kept...

Day 4:

... Again Father took out the Blessed Sacrament and placed it in the monstrance. We prostrated, and as I got up to kneel, while still eyes closed, I could see flames consuming my vision, coming in from the peripheral extremes. I could feel the heat from the flames upon my eyes. It was at this moment where my eyes filled with tears, and I cried, as my heart so filled with the dependence for God and His love.

Then as I felt His love, a thought came into my head to make me wonder whether what I had felt, would be comparable to others. I knew this was pride welling in me. Then I concentrated even harder on the Blessed Sacrament, saying out loud in my prayers, “Come Lord Jesus, Come Holy Spirit, I love You Lord Jesus.” This helped me to filter out those thoughts that began to enter, and as I recited those words.

I began to pray in tongues and once again, I rested in the spirit. My eyes again closed. My eyelids were twitching uncontrollably, as I felt the muscles in my eyes convulsing. It may be noted at this point that prior to this, I had prayed for healing on the eyes, as I was experiencing some strain in the eyes. It is no coincidence I believe that all these things happened to my eyes.

As that was happening, I could see whirls of gold flying around as my eyes were closed. If I recall correctly, what happened after that was a vision, in black and brilliant green of a scene of many people, dominions of them worshipping around a throne...

At this point, I think I have said enough about the experiences, because even though there were more, I believe that the other events were somehow very similar to what those mentioned above.

This camp once again renewed and revived my little faith. As I continue to struggle with my spiritual pride, it is deeply hoped that all who read this will intercede for me, and also be inspired that this God that we believe in, is a living God. He is real and He loves us.

I leave you a quote from St. Paul in this letter to the Galatians. In Galatians 2:20 it says: “ I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

And it is hoped that all who are believers may have the grace and humility to let Christ live in their hearts as they live out their faith fervently and with an undying fire. Amen.

-Raphael

a new direction

2011-12-15T00:26:00.002+08:00

hello guys. for those who weren't here last session (and as a refresher for those who were), this is what happened.

the core presented a new direction that log will be heading towards over the upcoming year (and onwards, possibly) - 'COMMUNITY ON A MISSION'. essentially, what this entails is looking outwards, beyond sfx to do outreach and evangelize.

to give you a clearer idea, these are the examples of ideas that we brainstormed (i.e. without considering feasibility) last session:

- bring-a-friend event

- homeless shelter

- journeying w younger youths (mentoring)

- program for lapsed/non catholics

- workshops (p&w etc)

- school visits (CJ retreat in particular)

- followup after graduation from CSS

- write a book

- tuition/mentoring/life decision-making

there are three broad lines of discernment that led us to this direction:

1). we are stagnating - we have reached the point where looking inwards is no longer enough.

we have been building up towards this direction. we started with throwing the idea around of doing camp ministry. it was next followed up with mission&vision, where we agreed that it is crucial that the missionary/evangelistic element be present. now's e time to put talk into action.

we are stable enough as a community. of course, we'll never be fully without problems. but this is where the idea of being a 'wounded healer' takes root. we can minister to others even in our state of woundedness.

2). common purpose

unity can be forged by striving towards a common goal or embarking on a common project together. shared experience, working together, doing things as a community - these are what bring ppl together. we are hoping that this new direction can also foster a greater sense of unity within the community.

events also provide an opportunity for us to call back ppl who have been on the fringes. participation can lead to involvement, to ownership, then to commitment. it is a refreshing opportunity to try a different approach to what we've been doing.

3). followup to gift discernment

the best way to discern and nurture our gifts is to actually use them. this direction provides ample opportunity for us to exercise our gifts in building god's kingdom, in a way that normal sessions cannot.

this is the plan for now:

***LOG RETREAT WILL BE HELD ON 10-12 FEB!!!! The retreat will be both a time for us to be community and also to prepare for embarking on this new direction.

from now till then, we have 7 sessions. these 7 sessions will be used to foster our evangelical zeal. we'll be having sessions about evangelism and invite ppl from MSC etc to share about their own experiences in outreaches.

everything is still in the pipelines. we have no concrete plans/projects yet. the core will meet and pray tgt frequently over this period to prepare to make the necessary decisions. so pls pray for e core as we discern e decisions tt we hv to make. we have noted e following concerns (tt were raised in e last session):

- we should not be degenerating into 'spiritual tourism'; or a 'try smth new every week' kind of thing

- must take into account ppl on e fringes and how we can continue to involve them

- projects must involve and nurture everyone (not just a few ppl spearheading e project w other ppl getting left out)

- outreach in e form of events vs journeying

- YMC calendar for 2012 is packed; we don't wanna overtax ourselves

- must set boundaries of who is our target audience

ON YOUR PART, we need help with two things:

(1) continue to brainstorm for ideas/projects tt y'all are interested to do as a form of outreach/evangelism. build on each other's ideas. don't need to worry too much abt practicality first. i'll be keeping tab on e ideas tt we've come up with so just keep 'em coming~

(2) raise any other concerns tt yall feel tt we have to take note.

(3) commit yourselves to this endeavour as it is a community effort, not core's; this means coming down for sessions, challenging yourself, and to keep praying for the community to grow!

and tt's pretty much it =)

St Bern's Fully Loaded :)

2011-12-08T00:02:00.001+08:00

Hello Loggers,

Yes! I am here to talk about Saint Bern’s too. As you know from the posts below explains clearly that St Bern’s was really an awesome experience for the whole service team and the people who experienced it. God worked in my life quite a bit during this camp. Okay background information, before St. Bern’s Camp I was really struggling with God, my SOW relationship with God was lost. During SOW and after it I had a really intimate relationship with God but during November as I reflected I didn’t know where that relationship faded into. I struggled to see God in my life; I felt God wasn’t alive in my life anymore. Totally sad.

Anyway, when camp group list came out I was my group’s IC and this is maybe my second time being camp IC. The last time I was camp IC it was with 2 experienced people but this time I was camp IC with one person who has never been a facil and someone with not very much experience either. I was too busy with assignments and essays till the week before camp till I realized “Shit I am not prepared for this”. I was desperate to prepare myself during the last week so I tried to go for daily mass every day. I knew that I had to make an honest and good confession too. On Wednesday, I ended school at 11 and I rushed to Novena Church before lunch time mass to go for confession. I rushed there to beat time and I reached there at 11:30 with at least 8 people already queuing up and confession hasn’t even begun and I thought to myself “Nooo! This cannot be happening!!” then I just stood in the line waiting. Then it struck me that I wanted to go for confession because I had to rather then I needed too. I also knew that I wasn’t in the right disposition. So I decided to get out of the queue, sat down on a pew, took out my phone and searched for an examination of conscience. Then as I read the examination of conscience, I realized the sinner I was and the mercy I needed from God. After about 10 minutes of journaling, I got back to the queue which was even longer and the priest had finally arrived and I doubted if I could make it but I just stood there anyway reflecting. As the queue got shorter, fear arose in my heart. I feared the priest will scold me or judge me but I just told the God I am going to go in trusting that he is the only one present in that confessional. I made it in and it was one of my best confessions so that was really good. I also fasted for the camp in school this time, and when I saw my friends eating I told God I wanted to eat but I will sacrifice the hunger as the hunger the participants will have for him during the camp. Hence, this is the preparation period and I felt I entered camp prepared “OK” but still fearful.

The camp itself was a little scary. My group suddenly had an extra guy as I entered camp and that meant more work for me and my co-facil and if there was any problematic guy I would have to handle him and I was just scared. But somehow, God made me fit with my group pretty well and it was pretty good. The first night we had our first proper session which was about “Our identity”. In that session, Celine the session presenter decided that we will have a time of ministering and like as I prayed silently with the first 2 participants and I didn’t sense anything but the last person the guy whom I was not going to do touch time with because me and my co-facil divided 2 guys each and he wasn’t under me had to be the one I had to sense something and it was this burden and hurt and I felt afraid again after feeling it. Then again, God challenged me to reach out to him so I took over him and yeah God did work so I praise God J

Last paragraph already! Thank you for reaching this point. So second day I was supposed to do testimony for Jude’s session but my brother overshot his time and forgot my testimony so I was like okay I don’t have to do testimony. I just enjoyed games which were after his session. Thereafter we had recon session and this time I sat inside and throughout the whole session I decided to pray with my SOW cross and rosary so I just prayed and sang along with the songs. I saw God move gently and I was quite happy. Here is where the devil doesn’t want me to be pleased with God and has to test me. The boy I mentioned above came back from confession and he was super closed, moody and a little angry. I told God”Why??????” and my hope sank. Then we were going to have night session that night and my brother and Michelle come up to me and say that they are putting my testimony at night session and I agreed but with fear crippling me in my heart. Testimony for night session where participants have never encountered God was scary to me. I just decided to flow with the spirit. We had spiritual preparation for the facils and I was so tired I told God I needed strength and he filled me with strength but I was still doubtful that God was going to work anything that night; I thought that they are not opened enough. Long story short, testimony went okay I guess and night session went amazingly well. When I heard the testimonies, I felt God dancing in my heart telling me he just stepped on all my doubts and proved me wrong. That night, I was affirmed that for God truly anything is possible and that he is an extremely faithful God.

I end of with the phrase which I relate to for this camp! “I Stand in Awe of Jesus” and something my brother shared that night which I will cling onto for the rest of my life.

“Since you have said that “Yes” to Jesus today, you are his property now and he has this seal on you. From now you are his, and he will guard you with his life” Brother Jude David

Jesus Loves You Outrageously,

Greg

St Berns the trilogy

2011-12-05T03:40:00.005+08:00

Hey log, I slept from 5pm to 2.30am after I got back from camp and so since I'm awake at this crazy hour I decided I shall be productive and pen down my thoughts on St Berns. For starters, I wasn't supposed to do St Berns cause I didn't sign up for it but melmel asked me to do session with him and somehow that also meant me doing a pnw slot.

For me I think St Berns has been a unique camp experience, it's the first camp that I had to do a session and pnw. It's also the first one that I had to stay for only one particular session. The whole period of preparation leading up to camp was also quite new for me cause I didn't have to go for all the spiritual preps and didn't quite undergo the same level of preparation for the camp as the rest of the service team. A lot of it came down to me finding those moments by myself where I could pray about things, though in the end it still resulted me being my usual self and procrastinating till the very last min on saturday night just before our session but more on that later.

I think the focus the experience for me has been very much a struggle with fear. I found it so hard to fully surrender myself to the Lord's graces. I found it so hard to be able to speak the words and do the things that He asked me to do. I found it so difficult to just step out of what I found comfortable. Too often I found myself asking for courage above all things, courage to stare down my fears which were not of Him and drive them back. Even though I only came for pretty much 1 night and 1 morning of camp I've had a lot of God experiences that are worth sharing but I'd like to share one in particular which only had 2 mortal witnesses.

Back to the time that melmel and I were preparing for session, I had just come back to camp after a family dinner and was feeling very out of place and out of sync after everyone had gone through praying over. I was fortunate enough to manage to hear their beautiful testimonies for myself but still I felt so disconnected with God. During debrief I started feeling very troubled, I started to sink into my own fears and I suddenly had this disturbing vision of me like resting next to a wall with my wrists cut and there was blood everywhere. After debrief I went to the prayer room to try and sort things out, I was very troubled and afraid. When I went into the prayer room the blessed sacrament was already kept and was lit by only one candle. I decided not to turn on the lights and just try and sit in the quiet darkness. I focused on the light of the candle and how it illuminated the room and the cross above it. I was feeling better and I closed my eyes then suddenly the candle just went out. I was very spooked and just rushed out of the prayer room.

I came down to find mel to plan session but I was just paralyzed by fear and I kept reading my notes again and again about session but nothing was going into my head. I couldn't think properly and my thoughts weren't coming together at all. So I was just like stuck there and so frustrated with myself. Mel saw that I wasn't all that fine and so he asked if I was ok and I shared with him what happened earlier. With me being so distressed we ended up back at the prayer room to try and sort things out again. This time with all the lights on and two candles lit. And so we both prayed. I don't know how long we spent in that prayer room but for me it felt like an eternity. I was trying to fight back my fears but in the end I just surrendered to God. I can't remember now what I told God during that time and I don't think it really mattered cause He just took over and washed away my fears. All this while mel was beside me praying too. We left the prayer room and I felt much better about things though I was probably a bit shaken but the fear had left me and God was there. Thus began the long night of planning for session starting at probably 12 midnight till about 3 in the morning...

I originally thought about leaving this be but I feel that this is something that has to be said for it is truly a testimony of how God has been faithful. Worship went erh ok ish (that's a whole other story haha) and session went well also. Truly God overcame all the odds and triumphed over all the fears that I had. It is also a testimony to the strength of community and really if mel wasn't there I wouldn't know what to do. I'm still thinking of that night and I keep wondering if that was some spiritual attack or just a manifestation of my fears but I feel that it doesn't really matter anymore for God has won the great victory.

Very often we find it hard to trust in God but really I think there is nothing to fear if we do for He is indeed faithful.

Love,

Andrew

st. bern's (too!)

2011-12-05T00:46:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, just wanted to share a few of my reflections from the recently concluded St. Bern’s confirmation camp. On a whole the camp was amazing; it was really a different and new experience ministering to non-SFX youth who have not had a church camp before. Somehow, it felt refreshing. There weren’t any expectations or pre-conceived notions by the participants – we just went in to do our thing, and they responded with that childlike enthusiasm and interest. To them, it seemed as if everything was so new, so impactful, so amazing. It was really a blessed time to be able to see them having their own spiritual awakening, so praise God for all that He has done!

As for myself, I’ve been praying for faith and humility the past few weeks – I remember Fr. Brian saying that these were the two things the centurion had (“Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof…”), during his homily at weekday mass. Looking back, God did answer my prayers through my role as a facilitator during this time!

Faith has been something that I’ve taken for granted. It’s always been there, something that I never really had to think about. It wasn’t really tested in an extreme way as well, since life has been pretty smooth sailing for me. But recently (and unconsciously) that faith had been shaken somewhat. It’s was a long struggle during the month in which Gwen was sick and never seemed to recover – praying and interceding seemed to have no effect. I remember even desperately praying the rosary every night for a week. I guess it’s in these circumstances when you don’t have any answers that you can only depend on God, but at the same time your faith is affected in a subtle way.

And so I entered the camp with the realization that I was broken – and I had been too worried and preoccupied that I had forgotten about the state of myself. It was only when I was called upon to minister that I looked at myself in the mirror… and I’ve seen better days. There was this small seed of doubt that had been sowed into my heart, and I didn’t even realize it. This manifested in me struggling to believe that God was going to use me powerfully during the praying with session at night, and I felt heavy hearted and burdened as we had our spiritual preparation. But praise God for Mark Abraham’s sensitivity to the Spirit, and after the initial prep he invited the rest to pray over the facils who were struggling to believe in God’s victory.

To cut the long story short – yes God was faithful (He always is...), and it was through His grace that I was able to put his doubt aside and to speak His truth into the lives of the confirmants. The learning point for me (and I hope for you as well) is to never take this gift of faith for granted. Just as it is given, it can be taken away if we do not protect and nurture it. In my own words: don’t think you laojiao so can shake leg and relax!

This brings me to the next point, that of humility. Initially when Mark Abraham asked those facils who were struggling to move to the centre to be prayed over, I resisted. I didn’t want the rest to know I was struggling – after all I’m supposed to be the “strong” one, the group IC… there was this portion of my ego and pride not wanted to be bruised. But praise God for allowing other brothers and sisters to respond first, and this encouraged me to be humble enough to step forward as well.

This camp also humbled me as I recognized how God worked so powerfully through the service team. Gone are the old times in SFX where experience and age mattered. God does not look at appearances, but looks at the heart. I was (and still am) blown away and amazed by how God worked through the younger ones at camp. Greg, Andrew, Stephen etc… as someone said it is easy to forget that they were only confirmed 2 years ago. What God desires and looks out for is a willing, faithful, passionate heart, and with that He can do wonders. I experienced humility – I learnt and was inspired by those younger than me, those who have less experience in camps, those whom were supposedly “less spiritually mature”. It is humbling and yet at the same time a hopeful and joyous encounter, to see God raising up a younger, more passionate generation in His name. So once again, praise God!

Lastly, this camp reinforced very powerful truth. It is this – that young people desire God and want to know Him, and will respond passionately if they encounter Him. I’ve literally seen lives being changed in this camp. It’s even more pronounced because for majority of the youth at St. Bern’s this was their first encounter with God in their 15 years of living. I have seen their transformation with my very eyes; unbelievers turning to believers, doubters turning to faithful followers. Imagine that you didn’t know God existed, and suddenly you did – that was the impact it had on the youth.

To bring Christ to others we have to fully embrace this truth. Every person we meet, whether it is a non-Christian, a lapsed Catholic or even an Atheist, hungers for God. Especially so for youths, who are on the cusp of life and are searching for something worthwhile and lasting to base their lives upon. We need to be the ones to whisper the truth and reality of His love and presence into their lives. We need to be like John the Baptist, the voice that cries out in the wilderness of life. We need to be, leaven for God.

Love,
Soo.

st bern's

2011-12-04T23:47:00.004+08:00

it was good :D

many in e service team tot tt e camp wouldn't turn out well. at least not in e sense tt sfx camps usually are. perhaps cos i wasn't a facil, i just dint think much abt expectations. but when e night session came, i tot to myself: oh well tt's tt. but then e testimonies came after e night session. and wow. god rly moved i guess.

being in music this time was a diff experience. lol e spiral analogy rly fits here. i was in this exact same position last year - music + last session (w soo). also on 'a new beginning'. so yes. full circle. but one level higher. last year, i was quite sian being in music cos i felt v left out of e action. i missed e personal touch. this time, i just felt joyful everytime i played. lol and when i wasn't playing, i was prob too busy doing session or being tired to bother abt not being a facil. so being in music this time was a rly gd experience for me.

as for session, last year, i did w soo. which is lol quite comfort zone. this time, i did session w tsui. so it was mentoring on top of doing session. i tot i was bad for gg to camp on fri completely unprepared and deciding to do up e session slides in camp itself. tsui, that champion, followed in my footsteps. just tt he came on sat night instead on fri morning~ so lol we stayed up till almost 3 to complete slides. but yea it all worked out in e end =) praise god. tsui's morning worship, which consisted of 4 lines on his atas (ahem) moleskin notebook (i.e. the name of the songs he used, which he decided 2 min before e worship began), also received much affirmation.

i publicly declare all this so tt we can add to e pool of ppl we can arrow (core take note pls) to lead worship and do sessions :D tsui claims he has finished discerning and nurturing his gifts. i told him great. now he can fully exercise them then to build god's kingdom :D

doing last session is srsly a bitch tho~ throughout e camp i just kept mulling and editing and ugh. aft doing so many sessions, u'd think it gets easier. but each time is still as grueling and as time consuming. each time i feel just as nervous. tho delivery-wise i think i was a lot calmer. prob cos i was running on adrenaline. no energy to waste on anxiety lol.

mm last thing. soo mentioned alrdy. but just rly wanna thank those who came down again to support us in intercession. it's rly affirming and inspiring to see yall here even tho yall are not involved in camp; esp when e session tt we're doing is on community. loglove <3

mel

to know, to love, to serve

2011-12-01T00:01:00.001+08:00

I am spamming the logblog of late. It's an exam stress thing really, I am online almost every hour and this is the how I'm communicating with people living in the world outside my gate. And maybe cause I feel like I haven't seen some of you guys in a while.

This image came to me during triduum mass that Fr Gino preached at.

Why do we even celebrate our feast day? It's not that big a deal right? Every year we have this series of masses where we sing the 'make me a channel of your peace' and get free food in the canteen so that we can mingle with the others in church a little more but this year, maybe, just maybe, it may be more than that.

I was going to skip mass because I might feel bad not studying for my test tmr, but if anything throughout the years of balancing church and studies, skipping a possible study period for mass has never been unfruitful. I do feel like I am being a bit too reliant on God and not pulling my own weight (God-helps-those-who-help-themselves principle) but I get by. Come to think of it, I don't really understand why church is such a high priority in my list.

So going for mass, I sat with Anne and later Andrew popped out before entrance hymn. I haven't sat in a non choir seat for quite a while and oddly I kept looking at blond Jesus stain glass in front like he was right there and then when I looked at the new breaking bread book, he looks like he had red lipstick. I laughed.

In the homily, Fr Gino asked the exact question I was asked before mass, why do we celebrate feast day? "Two reasons," he said. Firstly, its like Mary, having a saint intercede for you, especially someone who has an affinity with you. I don't think we give enough recognition to who st francis is as a person. Or at least I feel like I don't really understand his spirituality but today was the first step into understanding what he went through. He didn't want to live this lifestyle, impoverished, doing the holy moley stuff. But God led him there, inspiring him with St Ignatius and St Francis' sister who had such great faith. This is a story I think many can identify with. My own journey started off like that. It was a journey I could never have imagined.

The second reason we have a patron saint, is to strive to imitate that saint. You know, living proof that being a child of God in this world is not impossible.

How that picture at the top came about was when Fr was talking about some rich girl who had many branded bags and what not and later on, she found an awesome brand, Jesus! She became a nun I think. The story is pretty straight forward. "better than the riches of this world"

A sort of revelation came to me during mass. You know kyla right? Day in, day out I watch her play and everyone just taking care of her. The amount of care and concern is just unbelievable really and today, it dawned on me. The love of a father.

I've always been bothered as to why we were made. Why we were brought into this world. Why make us out of love and let us go through all this pain. Then think, fast forward 15 years to a 30 something year old you, Why have a child? Why have a child, make them go through life, let them read about war, pornography, suicides and deaths?

Love is really something so immense and such a difficult concept to grasp that it just kind of hit me. When I think about it, the love is just so immense that it develops into the creation of something so beautiful, you and me. We were born out of love and showered with so much love. Like how Kyla walks about and even though she doesn't know it, someone is there watching her back, making sure she doesn't fall. And if she falls on her face and it turns a bright pink, it is 'sayanged' away.

Having a baby around just puts a bit of perspective into the concept of parental love and of course, God's love.

Ok I'm done ranting. A little all over the place but that's my sharing style.

Praying for you all, have a blessed week (:

love,
jes

The present is a present

2011-11-29T01:45:00.000+08:00

"We weren’t in a rush to do anything else, because there was no certainty of a future. So we defaulted to living in the present, focusing on each moment of our “Yes and No” days. A time when only two things mattered to us: life and love."

A wonderful story

One of those things while I drag myself through the internet. I hope you have more of these days (:

2011-11-28T10:57:00.002+08:00

something amazing happened yday. i was sitting at the choir loft at mass, and very strategically. my line of vision while facing the altar was somehow 'blocked' by the crucifix, y'know, the huge one that the altar boy carries in the procession. and i didnt realise it until consecration. as the priest said the words 'take this all of you and eat it...', he was superimposed by the cross and it looked as though jesus himself was saying it. when he finished saying, as he held the host up high for the congregation to venerate, he stepped back. so now the host was superimposed by the cross. of course it is important not to place more importance on the symbol than on the actual person himself. but yday jesus reminded me how he was very real and very present in the eucharist. which is significant to me because i've somehow 'regressed' back to my old ways.

every time someone asks how often do i pray or how do i pray, i dont have an answer. in my head, i would tell myself tt's because im practicing being in god's presence 24/7 and i dont have to say anything because god already knows. so i dont have to pray. but i think i realise now, prayer is not for god. its for me, to verbalise my thoughts and analyze my feelings in relation to god. prayer is really relationship-building. and i need to do this on a regular basis. sometime in the middle of typing all of this, i realised i am being called to pray on a regular basis. reason being yday was the 1st wk of advent and the start of the year. and what better way to start the yr than to have a new yr's resolution. i hope i keep this resolution.

von.

Under my roof

2011-11-28T00:22:00.001+08:00

"lord I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof but only say the word and my soul shall be healed"

it's one of those new translation things that really make me curious about what it truly means to me when I say that. The new translations and chants in mass in general have made me quite conscious about what I say at mass and has helped me see the bigger picture; the universality of our faith. And best of all I think I treasure the bible a lot more now. Sometimes the bible is a little too wordy for me. I wish it were all just YouTube videos or something. Easier to digest (though it restricts the creativity in interpreting the words)

Well, anyway, my point is, I hope I can dig deeper into that lingering curiosity in my heart when I say that phrase out loud tomorrow because guess what? It's the gospel! And advent has finally started! :D

Hope to see you guys at mass :)

Discovering a new fact everyday,
Jes

2011-11-23T11:42:00.002+08:00

Today while I was writing in my journal, God told me that He wants me to be committed to loving Him and others above everything else. So I found myself wondering how I am supposed to do that in all my busyness. Like how am I supposed to offer up my day to loving God when all I have planned is a whole day of studying? And then I realised that - Obedience is an act of love too :)

All the best to all of you taking exams, Christmas is almost here :)

Love,
Rice

The Joyful giver

2011-11-19T01:30:00.002+08:00

HELLO THERE.

I liked supper today. it's one of those suppers with a nice warm fuzzy ending (not uneasy, depressing ones) and it made my day a lot less depressing so thanks. (:

Of late, I don't think I've been that great. General background info
My high from WYD inevitably died down (though trying very hard to not let my commitments go).
I got caught up doing craft things for my design mod which I'm really happy about because it turned out great.
Studying for media law has made me realize I have no aptitude for long text and essays
I get very flustered and demoralized doing FYP because I see my limitations very very clearly and worry for my future.
Living a lot of my life online while I'm at home leads me to wanderlust and be very dissatisfied where I am.

In general, these little things kinda add up and made me very unhappy and thus when I went into confi retreat I was really quite off. I felt like I wasn't the best facil I could be and was very out of the zone while the entire retreat was in the zone with the spirit. I was just trying to last till the end of retreat and then go back and just let all the disappointment out. I dug myself into a hole and hid there.

But thank god he balances things out eventually.

The very small moment that made me happy was when I sang at daily mass. Let me digress first. You know how I've been saying that PnW just don't work for me anymore? I just don't really mean what I sing and I know it. I try but there is a certain disconnect and after reading the little article that tang and jon posted, I am more skeptical about me singing like that. It always came across to me as very hypocritical and I judged others through that lens so after a while I feel myself trying to run away from PnWs because I don't want to be in that very 'self conscious' situation. But I can't. Maybe it's to practice what I preach, but I'm there almost for the sole reason that I am part of a community and we need to visibly be together. Like how you should sit up and talk to each other when sharing because you need to visibly look interested in the other person, something I feel I neglect sometimes. I DIGRESS TOO FAR.

Anyway my point is that while singing at daily mass, that's the feeling. The feeling like the words are speaking to you and that you can really sing and proclaim it to people. Maybe it's the nature of the music in PnW(gets abit too high and I'm not in the right disposition yet) or that it's christian based (something that really bothered me during a dinner conversation with my confi group) I feel more comfortable doing chanty(TAIZE!), mellow, catholic based things (like singing down in adoration and mass chants because I know where they are from and they help me get in the zone of worshipping better)

So really singing the mass songs and chants, feeling like I have to absorb and bring that message across to people, to really embody that message, struck a heart string somewhere and that would probably be my God moment this week. I also felt quite affirmed that when people don't say I sound squeaky over the mic because I always thought I did. There is something about singing to a mic and not really hearing yourself, it's like you don't need to be there. Not that I want to be a stand alone voice from a choir but if you hear yourself, you feel like you are contributing more and in some sense making a difference.

In my discernment about gifts, although I didn't give myself much time to think about it, I also felt quite affirmed that I can actually design things because art critics are tough and anal and too perfectionistic and there is so much good stuff out there it's quite easy to feel measly in the industry.(oh the arts.) It got me down quite a bit because my future seemed a little bleak but with a renewed hope and motivation in it I guess I really want to give God-art a try (I've been wanting to for the longest time but I just never got to it)

Yup. I guess that's all I have to share. Hope you guys thought about your gifts.

If you get stuck go look at your God moments or your joys of the week! It might help you discern how you can be a joyful giver.

Speaking of which. I dislike the gift of service in the paper thing. it's the vague-est thing ever! :O ok. not dislikedislike but one of those "WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN" kind of moments.

I'm so happy to feel happy. (:

-jes

2011-11-18T01:07:00.001+08:00

Hi guys,

Rice here. I thought I'd just let you all know what's been going on with me. I miss you all alot, and I don't just say this, because I do, I miss spending that quality time with you guys, in the form of session, and God-filled Sunday morning, cause those days never fail to fill me again with God's love, grace and hope for the following week. Of late, I've been feeling like my weeks are increasingly welded into one.. it's just been day after day, no day to mark rest. (Maybe that's why God wanted to give us the Sabbath, maybe it was for our own good :/) In any case, I'm not complaining, because dance and job-wise it's just been amazingly blessed as always. In that area, commitment has become heavier, I now have my own class, and I now help teach at certain schools as well. It would seem like it is starting to pick up. And I think that is the most frustrating thing, because while it is starting to pick up, I find myself waking up every morning, guilty, for neglecting my work, worrying, that the consequences would be irreversible, tired, missing my friends, my family, sometimes feeling lonely, trying my very best to reach out to God, the words come out of my mouth (or my mind) I call out to Jesus to come save me, to be with me, but my mind just can't seem to hang on to Him recently. It just floats around.

I guess that is kind of what I've been up to lately. As I know you guys know, exams are next week, I am also in the midst of preparing for O School recital which is also next week, and right in the middle of my exams. I know it sounds really crazy, but to tell the truth, I don't even think about it. My exam preparation have gone so far as half a chapter so far. So often I have found myself asking myself, HOW ON EARTH AM I GOING TO DO THIS? But every time I will hear a voice in my head saying "I will do it." Of course, there is no excuse for being lazy and neglecting my work. But somehow I believe, that Jesus will help me. Like He always has. :)

I know everyone's probably pretty stressed, it's crunch time for many of us. I hope that in the area of exams, if I, in the situation that I am in, can still find it in me, to let go of that bit of control, and trust in God, I hope all of you who feel tired and drained can remember to look back on all those moments when you felt you absolutely couldn't do it, and look at where you are now, and realise, that when you have that little control.. all that's left to do, is trust God :)

Although I can't physically be as present, (I have rehearsals on Sundays).. I send my love, and God's love to all of you :)

Rice

a new step

2011-11-13T08:56:00.001+08:00

hi guys, joel here. as i told you guys on friday i've been thinking about the next big step. so today, i've just submitted my application for pres/vice-pres of fides. on friday i felt so confused and insecure about it, about my gifts, about my sincerity, about my desire, about my capabilities and i really second guessed myself. i wanted to ask you guys for advice but the opportunity came and went. so last night, i casually (meaning i mentally prepared myself for 15 minutes) asked my mum.

me: mummy i have to ask you a question
mum: WHAT?!
me: i've been thinking of running for fides for another term.. next year
mum: president or vice president?
me: umm. run for both la.
mum: if u want to run, just run for president la. but be careful ISD
me: 5 second stun

i had so much fear and reservation in asking my parents because of the situation at home but i didnt expect... such a brutally honest answer. it was an answer that made the question seem like it didnt need asking. Asking my mum was an important step for me and somehow her candid answer broke the bank. all i can is ptl!

if i do get in, its going to be a long year, busier than i'll ever envision myself. but i ask for your blessings and prayers, more so than ever. even know you're not there... you guys know my weaknesses the most and im scared the most of those things that can drag me down. really really need you guys <3

besides that, my dad's going for a scan tmr. it marks the end of his treatment and it will be to check the progress. as usual, we're really nervous for it... so please pray for us!

2011-11-07T01:56:00.002+08:00

Today was the first time I joined the bible study group. Got really disappointed and ruffled. Sorry, couldn't find a better word for ruffled. Its 3am. Today's readings were:

1st reading> About wisdom and how she comes to those who seek her

2nd reading> Paul writing to the Thessalonians about how those who have fallen asleep and those still alive will be with Christ in his second coming

Gospel> Matthew wrote about the parable of the 5 wise virgins and 5 foolish virgins, and they were all waiting for the bridegroom. Only the wise ones had enough oil, and the foolish ones went off to buy more but were not permitted entry when they got back.

At first, we were all invited to find the connection and link between the 3 readings. After a few rounds of discussion, my own interpretation and conclusion was this: the parable in the gospel talks about how we should all strive to be like the wise virgins. And this is supported by the first reading on wisdom. The rejection of the 5 foolish virgins were then justified. In the 2nd reading however, Paul talks about how those who have fallen asleep will wake and be with Christ, and those still alive will take their place after. This more than hints at God's infinite mercy and love. While the gospel stresses justice, the 2nd reading written after Jesus's death and resurrection stresses mercy.

I was disappointed because the group and the priest's conclusion was based more on justice. They drew references from experiences with their students. There will come a point in time when enough is enough, and punishment must be meted out. I am not against punishment. But if we view God's message from the perspective of the Father, and not as children who are the supposed receivers of the message, then the crux of the message is lost.

Let me then ask: if anyone had a choice between wisdom and foolishness, who would choose the latter? Even though the 1st reading says those who seek wisdom will find her, it really is a gift and one of god's graces isn't it? The truth is, all the while, I kept thinking about my mom. Though physical disabilities are visible, I worry more about her spiritual disabilities. In fact, I consider it one of my life's purposes, to be able to pass God to her, to teach her what I know, what I have learnt, all that is good and true. So that she doesn't have to live in fear or loneliness, but to glorify god with her life. And while she isn't there yet, I needed to hear that although there is justice, there is even more mercy. Maybe its silly, but I fear everyday that I don't have enough time, that perhaps even mercy is not enough.

And here God speaks: if you mere human is able to forgive and love, how can I not? I will be merciful and love tenfold more, a hundredfold more... (it is God who speaks, because von never uses the words 'tenfold' and 'hundredfold')

We are called to be like the 5 wise virgins, to do what is right by loving God. But that love is possible only because we believe and know He first loved us. I am not a saint (yet), and who I am today is only because of His love for me. Same goes for each and everyone of us. And it is a shame the world doesn't hear enough of His love. I might well fall into the category of the foolish virgins, but happy am I because Christ's death and resurrection has saved and will save even the most hopeless cases.

von.

2011-10-24T20:46:00.002+08:00

Stumbled upon this amazing and beautiful song today, the student band leading morning chapel worship used it. I know how I always joke about how being in a methodist christian school is... well... let's say I have few nice things to say, but I think today I'm kinda grateful that I'm in a school that still points the way to Christ. I guess its a blessing in disguise of sorts and just revives that faith I have in a divine, perfect plan.

At this current moment, I'm freaking out about PW. Sort of in a panic mode trying to meet the deadlines, get everything together, spur people on, plan ahead, check off the to-do-list and all the while trying to find that shred of motivation and hope that everything will turn out fine. I don't like this. I've never been one to care very much or get stressed up over these kinda things. I'm like having mood swings and stuff. ARGH. Yeah so angst and stress aside, I'm just scared that things don't work out and all this is for nothing.. Hopefully not. I still have a bit of faith left haha.

But I guess the point of this (and the point of this song) is that not matter what; come hell or PW, God is by my side, whether I feel Him or not. No matter what I do He will also be here loving me. In His love I shall find strength.

Adaptation

2011-10-24T19:16:00.004+08:00

This thought crossed my mind as I was doing my journaling this morning. You know how when we are thrown into a new environment we need to adapt? I think all we who are called to be with Christ are in a constant state of adapting to a world that is unseen to the world, a world we share with Jesus, a world that is set apart, and as much as we are physically here on this earth, I think as we go through in life, we are slowly adapting to this other world. And hopefully, at the end of our lives, we would have fully adapted, ready to face our maker :)

So remember today people, that we were not made for this world :)

Just a short sharing :)

Rice

2011-10-20T09:36:00.002+08:00

Hey guys, just a short sharing.

So out of all the things I study in school, I really enjoy my lab. Pretty good at it in fact. Normally able to see and fix problems faster than others. My friend even smsed me to help him with his lab.

So I went into my own lab, thinking that I could solve it early and leave quick. However, I let my pride get the best of me. I didn't manage to solve the lab, no one did. And for the entire time since the lab, this problem has been sticking in my mind. Yet, on retrospect I have no even took a moment to center myself on God through prayer.

So no matter one's strengths, always depend on God. Talk to him today.

-Swee

the ghost editor.

2011-10-16T01:29:00.000+08:00

HI. not really related to anything but who is the one that is editing the layout! not that I have anything against people editing the layout but it's just nice to know who is this ghost editor.

*ps. thanks for fixing the font in the first 2 boxes. though now there is the weird gap. :\

Unfailing Love - Chris Tomlin

2011-10-15T13:12:00.000+08:00

Hey guyzzz. As y'all know, I'm leading worship this week! YAY. I'm quite scared so pray for me pleeeezee. But while you're doing that, I was looking for songs and I found this rly rly nice song! Well I really like it at least. It's called Unfailing Love by Chris Tomlinnnn :) I don't really know the song very well so we ain't singin' it. HAHA. But I hope you guys enjoy the songgg with this video! Have a great Saturday!

Cheerios, Alex!

SFX CONFI RETREAT 2011

2011-10-14T17:25:00.002+08:00

Hello liver here! Using log blog for awhile to put up my google form link for the confi retreat service team to fill up. Sorry for the inconvenience! :/

CONFI RETREAT SERVICE TEAM CLICK THIS LINK:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?hl=en_US&pli=1&formkey=dEl4eHlVZVdLdHlzLURYODEzZUFZdXc6MQ#gid=0

oh and welcome to LOG blog (:

Jeremy Camp - My Desire

2011-10-12T23:46:00.000+08:00

Hello Everyone :)

Guess who? ........

When I did my session I spoke about blessings but there is also another word which encompasses all my experiences with God and the word is "Growth". Well I can't remember if I have shared this before but in SOW, on the first day we had to get a word which starts with the same alphabet as our name and since my name starts with “G” I was thinking just use “Great” but then it didn’t give me joy in my heart and so I thought harder and I decided I was going to use “Growing” and it felt right. (I presume you have already successfully guessed who this is!) And so I became “Growing Greg”.

Well upon further reflection, God has brought so much growth in my life, I believe that God is and will continue to mould me as the young man he wants me to be! God is going to make me grow so much more in life and I can’t wait. With God and community, this amazing journey awaits me. Each day, God uses different people to inspire me in different forms. Yesterday was Audrey Assad as I read her tumblr, today is Jeremy Camp as I listen to his songs. All these people are so passionate for God; they are growing towards God just like each one of us. Then I think of people like Blessed Mother Teresa, Blessed John Paul and I go like “whoa, these people were and still so real in our lives, they portrayed to the world the kind of love Jesus has and they were figures which whole of society knew but they were also ordinary human beings but with a desire to be used by God and with a desire to know God in the depths of their heart.

Okay, all my blog posts are just what I feel and what I think and they are all raw and I write them with the spur of the moment, they are not profound but they are the truths I feel God speaks to me so here you go. I have embeded this song " My Desire" by Jeremy Camp. The song is amazing and it just filled me with joy as I heard it. Then as I write this, it struck me that God allowed me to till where I am today because of my desire for him and he will continue to fuel this desire of mine for him and I will continue growing. God is amazing right?

I would like to end my post with the hope I have in God. The hope that God has so much for us, and plenty of growth awaits us. The hope that God is our desire and that we are going to be used by God in small ways we will never expect, for each other and for the whole world. The hope that God is for us, and Nothing can be against!

God Loves you Outrageously!

Greg =)

Decisions!

2011-10-07T12:24:00.004+08:00

Hello everyone :)
Remember to blog please, because it's an important part of Greg's spirituality!

Anyway, I've been reading The Great Divorce by CS Lewis, and as with all CS Lewis' books it's been an insightful read. Here's a passage that I came across recently -

"There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him."

I think over the past few years, when this whole "where is your life going" started for me, and I hit a quarter-life crisis, trying to find my direction, I found myself constantly having to make decisions, and these decisions became increasingly significant in terms of changing the course of my future. And I have found myself time, and time again, so much so that I am exhausted, asking God, "God what do You want me to do, just tell me and I will do it" And often, He remains silent (or perhaps I remain blind, or stubborn), probably because He wants me to figure it out and make the choice myself.

But in this passage here, I feel it's really simple, what is right or "good" is so easily judged by whether it points towards God or away from Him. I have had to make so many decisions of late, taking on more commitments, dropping commitments, what to sacrifice for what.. And at some point I was just jaded, jaded for having so many things to control and engineer in my life. But of course, I never was the engineer, I just thought I was. And this passage was a good reminder that nothing is good/bad in itself, none of the choices I have to make are good/bad, it can only be defined in terms of its relationship with God.

I recently made the decision to leave Frontier, which is the company thing, which is also the class that I run off to at 2pm on Sundays, and I just sent the email in today. And I just feel so joyful, because I feel like I am free, I feel like for such a long time now, this company thing has bound me, bound me into feeling like I need it to ensure that I am going somewhere. Which is why I held onto it so tightly for so long. It didn't even really make me happy. And I will always remember this idea (but I can't remember where I got it from) that God loves you and at the very fundamental level, He wants you to be HAPPY. This does not necessarily come in form of ways you might actually WANT and realise, but He does, and when making decisions, very fundamentally if you can get to that very place inside your heart, where God resides, and find out what gives you that peace and joy that God desires so much for You and has already built you for... You would know what to do. And fear so often gets in the way of that because so often God works in ways that this world cannot understand, and it means taking a leap of faith time and time again. - Story of my life.

Sorry this blog post is not very well organised, I'm typing off the top of my head. But I think what I'm basically saying that I have learnt through my experiences of having to make tough decisions - is that - always choose the decision that gives you the most peace, always being wary of the fact that the devil is extremely skilled at pretending to be that option, but having walked thus far with Jesus in the course of our lives already, I believe I can recognise true joy that comes from the Father when I experience it. And right now, after having let go of this chain binding me down, keeping me away from the things I really want to do, things that give me joy, I know now I have made the right choice, and I thank Jesus for helping me make this decision :)

Loneliness

2011-10-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

Hi LOG! I've been wanting to share for a while, but I could not really formulate a coherent piece. I also realise that I have yet to share about WYD, but the WYD piece will come on FB as I really want to testify to it. This reflection will just be bits of my own thoughts so far being here in Manchester - sorry for being rant-y and incoherent haha.

I was talking to Von on my travels before arriving here, at which Von was already in Korea. She mentioned something about being lonely, even though there's friends, Singaporeans and exchange buddies and so on. I kinda knew what it mean then, but now I do realise. I hang out a lot with Singaporeans, the exchange students especially. The only angmoh people are the ones I follow to Liverpool to watch matches and my flat mates which includes three Chinese, two Bulgarians, one Russian and one Czech. As I try to fit in, I find myself in a very weird position. I think in my schooling life, I never had to try and fit in to where I am. I make a lot of friends in school, but I usually stop myself from getting too close to any group. My closest friends at school include my classmates, my softball teammates and my secondary classmates. Yet we have all distanced, except for the softball guys. But all of them remain friends whom I can and will meet up time to time and have no problem being with each other once again.

Now my closest group of my friends who follow my life are you guys, yet Jes said something during the pilgrimage that did strike a chord in my heart. She noticed that I don't have a "pair" in LOG (like Mel and Soo HAHA), or any one that I am particularly super close to. I think I've shared before that I am much closest to the community than anyone in particular, or perhaps accurately, I am close to everyone equally. I replied her that I understand myself - that I am a person who is very much ok being by myself, and at times more concerned about how others are, than how others give me concern. I don't really demand that attention or concern to myself in other words. But this has its downside, because this also means I give less of myself to others as well. Perhaps it is also because I have been in core for 3 out of 6 years that I was in LOG, and that made me think a lot of macro questions rather than really personally showing love to my fellow community members. And so, I think this break is good so far, helping me make the effort to talk to people back home and also to give myself time to think. during my travels (which I will share another time), I had lots of alone time with God, which was beautiful! So pray for me yeah, for me to be a better brother to everyone! To be vulnerable as Jes had written on the stone - ask her about it, think she blogged about it!

So its the same thing here sometimes. I make a lot of friends, add them on facebook but reserve my travel plans to myself. After all, I really love travelling alone, I see things I want to see, take breaks when I want to and do not have to consult anyone. Yet I also find myself planning alone. I guess its a trade off. The mass dinners are great because its really like one big family, cooking and eating chinese dishes. The exchange students are more carefree I guess and welcoming to everyone. Whereas the permanent singapore students here already have their cliques and (couples). I praise God though, for this group of people, and also for the few catholics I found around here, one of them being Wilmer who joined MSC recently after Se7en and Joseph, an NTU exchange student. I joined the catholic chaplaincy here, and it really feels like home every Sunday. But I won't be around most Sundays from now so sigh, bo pian I guess. Its hard to hang out with the angmohs when their agenda is all partying. Thought of joining them once, but when 9pm comes, I find starcraft 2 more appealing LOL. Not my kind of lifestyle, makes me think that Manchester wasn't a really good exchange place for me other than for soccer.

Then I went to London and met up with some friends. The London family of Singaporeans, especially friends from RJC, is really wonderful. I find myself thinking back on the possibility of studying in London with all of them. It would have been nice. But then again, I also see the loneliness they feel, questioning myself whether I can do this over 3 years. So I'm left with a lot of mixed feelings. I also keep noticing how my seniors who are guys get attached to juniors who are girls, Felly included. The relationships formed now will most likely go a long way because they depend on each other throughout the time that there are overseas. its so beautiful really, and I find myself pretty envious of this. Even here in Manchester, my eye candy is attached =( haha joking!

But yes, that is still an issue for me. After rushing into the Sarah thing (argh), I find myself taking it slowly I guess. thinking about the future and what I want to do, whether a relationship will hinder it or help it. Many of you guys are attached and i feel it sometimes, but i guess im ok with waiting. what happened to more relationships whenever someone is on exchange? come guys and girls, work harder! hahaha. or is it that i am not receiving updates :p because I refrain from being close to friends sometimes, i do feel that at times, I don't have a designated person to talk to. which is a good thing because I share with everyone, but then again, it still seems like a void. like a soul mate to have beside me. this made me realise too how I overload the other person when I become attached, and I expect too much of my partner to react and to care for me - precisely because I don't demand it from anyone else but her. This is a problem I kinda just realise while I am here. So i need to open up more and still the same word, be vulnerable!

so yeah, i think i reached the end of this sharing. haha this piece is so unlike my style and so rant-y but i'm glad i got to share some thoughts that have been going thru my mind!

Priests

2011-10-02T18:25:00.002+08:00

Click here before reading on!

This is extremely random because i was watching fast and furious 5 and i thought that the Rock in the show totallylookslike Father John Bosco. so i was looking for pictures of father bosco online to compare and i came across our SFX homepage which had a description of father b's history which i never knew. as i continued searching i chanced upon the article above. i'm ashamed to say that a few years ago, i didn't even know he passed away. all i remember of him is him saying mass in the columbarium and his little beetlecar. i was honestly touched from reading everything that he did as a missionary.

which brings me to my point. each seminarian, priest, nun or religious has one particular story that he holds dear to his heart. this is a very powerful story that represents their entire journey of service to Jesus and his bride. I'm sure most of you remember when father bosco came to SFX, his first homily was a sharing about how he answered yes to the call of God. the fact that i still remember it must be some testament to how much an impression it left on me. i mean, how many homilies can you possibly remember?

what i'm proposing is a collection of these life changing moments. A collection of these "yes" moments or other stories that they hold close to their hearts. because these stories are at the core of what drives them to serve us day after day. alot of times we complain about priests and the few/little/many things they do that annoy us that we often miss these inner moments of vulnerability.

i think these stories will have a great impact. stories about themselves, about others that have gone on, across the whole archdiocese of Singapore. as many as we can find of those who are willing to share. its just an idea that i'm putting down on paper from my head, but it sounds promising. anytime in the future.

poey

2011-10-02T14:27:00.002+08:00

hi log, october is the month of the rosary don't forget to pray a decade each day if you can. it helps

God's love and mine,
anne

Genuinity.

2011-10-01T23:36:00.002+08:00

There's a lot of talk amongst us Christians about "being who you are" and "taking off your masks". I guess I haven't really been thinking about such issues ever since I entered law school, but a certain incident last Thursday sparked my thoughts about this into life.

So there I was, walking to the bus stop after school to take 156 home. I met one of my friends along the way, and we just started chatting about the class that we just ended. (The route to the bus stop is dissected by 2 main roads, with 2 traffic lights). I had already crossed the first one and was making my way to the second one when I saw 156 waiting just before the zebra crossing for the oncoming cars to finish their right turn. It was 6.30pm and I knew that the bus would be crowded and the journey back home would be slow due to the work crowd, and I really didn't want to miss the bus... so I exclaimed "OH SHIT... *breaks off into whiny mode*".

So obviously this girl that I was walking with heard me and she was like, "actually if you run across the road now you can make it!" (I assure you this is relatively safe, there's this interval where there are no cars moving cuz the cars have finished turning right and the 156 bus is waiting for the red light to turn green). And yes, so I ran, with her shouting "be careful Tim!" behind me (yes, most people in law school don't call me soo).

Obviously I made it across in one piece, but what amazed me (and made me pretty pai seh as well) was that as soon as she saw that I was going to catch my bus, this girl let out an excited whoop of joy. I kid you not, it was like - WOOOOOOO! It was pretty loud for the quiet evening, haha. I was like thinking, who the hell does stuff like that?! She not pai seh meh? Walau now got so many people staring. Alamak why she still smile until so happy, not say she's the one that caught the bus what... and the list goes on. And it's not like she's this weird, unpopular girl in school (she's the law queen + dean's lister) with no image to upkeep.

The question was burning my brain in the bus. WHY? Why was this person so spontaneous, so free, so... genuine. AHA. There it was, my answer. This person WAS genuine! She didn't let her fear of what people thought of her restrict her emotions, thoughts or expressions. She just expressed it - albiet in a split second shout of exhilaration. She was genuinely happy that I could catch the bus, and this was reflected in her reaction. I know it sounds pretty muted and insignificant when I type it out now, but this small incident blew me away and remained entrenched in my mind for the rest of the entire day.

Think about it, when was the last time you were able to be genuine throughout the whole day? I'm pretty damn sure that I put up a front when I go to study law school - I'm not as easy going, friendly, uninhibited, expressive, as I would like to be (I actually am :p). The worst part is that we're Christians and we're supposed to be the ones on the forefront against the whole culture of "being someone you're not". I fail horribly at this, and this incident reminded me that it is a daily battle to fight to be genuine. How can we expect to be witnesses when we are so caught up in maintaining this front of ours, hiding behind our masks? How are we to be His hands and feet to reach out to those in need, when all our words are empty because our actions don't correspond to them?

I thank God for granting me the grace to be affected by such a minor incident, and I hope this post reminds you that each of us are called to be His living witnesses, in thought and action, and what better way to do this than being genuine in our love for others (: (especially in SCHOOL where we spend the most of our time!)

C.S. Lewis - Mere Christianity (an exerpt from the chapter "The Great Sin")
Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call 'humble' nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.

Let us all aim to be the humble man, and they'll know we are Christians by our love!

For the lost and confused.

2011-10-01T02:06:00.003+08:00

For the lost and confused, just a random reflection from my past that I thought I'd share.

Periods when you feel like you're walking in the dark, and every action you take is just, really, a stab in the dark, you don't know where you're going, and you just don't feel like Jesus is there to guide you anymore. These periods of time actually are the most comforting, if you think about it, you know that God won't abandon you, ever. These periods of time, for me, were periods of time when I felt the most free, because I have zero control = God has 100% control. I don't even need to think or make decisions, because I don't even know where I'm going. After a while, and much reflection, I just gave up trying to control things, and just let it go, and the journey just got a lot more enjoyable after you manage to work through all that frustration of feeling lost.

I felt this lost, and stabbing in the dark, feeling the most in the period of time before I got this job at O School, I was anxious, and frustrated because I did not know why God would give me such a gift, but seem to remain so silent on how I am going to use it. But well, look where I am now :) I don't know where this will continue to take me, but I'm not afraid because I know Jesus is in control, especially when I have none :)

Love,
Rice

NEW TEMPLATE

2011-09-28T01:02:00.000+08:00

Lots of little bits in the template I have yet to fix but it's functional la.
I'm not sure how it works on your com but the sidebar should be able to collapse into 4 black bars and shouldn't extend all the way to the bottom (on chiuming's it did :\)
Anything that doesnt function let me know. this template works best on google chrome though i dont know why that matters. :\

NOW CAN PUT TITLE. AWESOME. and the usual info is on the right. birthdays as well as our shiny new vision/mission. :D

On a relatively separate note, I feel the need for something logo-ish and a new log shirt so maybe after this week (got big meeting on friday for fyp) i'll put a bit more thought into it.

Hope you guys are studying your asses off (EXCEPT NTU. WOO!) and not on lol or something! (HM.) jiayou and good luck for all your papers! (: Remeber to pray for this weeks intentions!

cheers!

SAMESAME BUT DIFFERENT

2011-09-27T17:45:00.001+08:00

new blog template!

-jes

2011-09-27T14:25:00.004+08:00

Higuys poey here. I'm a bit confused about the new Blogger layout!

Ihaven't been around quite a lot, so this is kinda an update/sharing of whatshappening with me at the mo. I haven't been around alot the past few Sundaysbecause of my overseas CSP project that i'm organizing for fides for the end ofthe year, and its something i haven't really told you guys about! sadly, iwon't be around next sunday as well because of more fundraising, hope you guysunderstand :/

anyway,i wanna tell you more because its smth i haven't really done so (i realise i'mrather terrible at communication). The project's called Project iLove3,organised for Catholics in SMU and the non-catholic affiliates: their otherhalves. HAHA. We're going to a small village called Gia Bac in Vietnam, 7 hoursnorth of Ho Chi Minh city. We're working with the local NGO to build and stocka library with English books as well as build external kitchens. cos now theycook over open fires in their rattan houses. dangerouss. So mainly what takes upmy time is fundraising, we're aiming to raise 9.5k!

Soour fundraising efforts have been to go down to the individual churches (SFXreject D:<) to sell some postcards/stickers we designed as well as ask forlove offerings. We've been to SPP, QOP, STC and SMOTA and next weekend we'regoing to St. Annes, Nativity and Risen Christ. We went for Humanitarian Forumand Fair too. So i've kinda been a church nomad in the past month, hopping hereand there. It's been a tiring but rewarding experience, and I recall how we gotdonations for our own mission trip. God really provides. 9.5k is quitesubstantial amount and before this weekend, we had raised about 5k. But overtwo days at SMOTA we raised 2.5k (1.1k from evening mass on saturday alone!)which is DAMN AWESOME. Praise God for all the generous parishoners whosupported us :)

Somethingi want to share with you guys is this incident at QOP which is quite alaidback, old church. Fundraising wasn't going particularly well that eveningand I was pretty sians :x plus the fact that I'm actually a ratherpassive person who is pretty scared of approaching people. So after mass thecrowd was dwindling pretty fast and there was this aunty walking by herself outof church quite far away from our booth. Somehow I was prompted to run afterher and ask her to buy stuff. And then she took out $50 and donated it as alove offering!

Whatgot me going was that if I had never run after her to approach her, she wouldhave never donated us the $50. And what a big difference a seemingly smallaction made, and especially for anaction that wasnt my usual behaviour. God can call us to die to ourselves invery small ways that have big outcomes. And these are small things we wouldn'tthink twice of! I was reminded of this situation again a few weeks later atFides when this new girl (yay new people!) said she wouldnt have come if notfor her friend who asked her, although she had been meaning to go for very verylong. Another small action with big outcomes.

Allthis reminded me of the bible passage "if you have faith the size of amustard seed, tell the mountain to move aside and it will listen to you". Only just a little bit extra faith is required for us to go that extra length. Just suck it up, declare "GOD PROVIDES" and go for it :D Fromthis Sunday’s gospel, discerning the small things that God asks us to do isjust as important as the “big decisions”, not for us but more for others.

Soyes that’s been my life for the past few weeks. This weekend I’ll be at St.Annes but I’ll try my best to come for Friday sharing J Talk to me! I feel the Log<3 when u guys do :D

2011-09-26T18:59:00.000+08:00

so yesterday, i attended only my second english mass here. previous sundays were spent oversleeping and being nice by waiting for friends who overslept :/ hur. went to sogang university for 7.30pm mass. i just wanted to go for a night mass cos i knew i'll be up all sat night and there's no way i'll make it at 9am. just turns out the university was founded by jesuits :D was a much much homier, warmer, smaller place than myeong-dong, and you can actually hear the homily. hur. (myeong-dong was way too echoey) and it was amazing cos they sang all the mass parts we learnt at st. ig's for the wyd commissioning mass. plus, they use breaking bread! they was even random leaflets of 'come, now is the time to worship' :D so when, the bulletin mentioned they need people for choir/lector, guess whattt... hahah. yea, see how next week goes. anyways, the korean priest yday was a stand-in, and although some of his sentences werent perfect, i could totally understand what he was trying to get at. yday's gospel was of the two sons, one said 'no, i wont' but did what his father told him to, the other said 'yes, okay' but didnt do it. so the homily was about the father's will/ discernment/ vocation. and this is smtg i've been thinking about since i arrived here. about what is the next step in life.

he said, we must first question what is our motivation. and he listed 3 'dimensions': 1) duty, 2) compassion (i think tt's what he said, his pronunciation was weird), and 3) love. and he went on to elaborate each dimension. the best is of course to achieve the 3rd dimension of love.

and this is my own interpretation and input: sometimes, we do all the right things, but never question why we do it. if we are motivated by duty or compassion, we can say 'yes, okay', we can even do all the right things, but as christians, we are all called to live ultimately and absolutely in love. if we have love, even if we say 'no, i wont', the love will compel us to act according to the father's will. hence, it is very impt to question motives. i hope this helped for pple who're discerning. or not, just smtg to think about :))

The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts

2011-09-21T13:16:00.006+08:00

"Community is going on a journey, experiencing different things, coming back to share it, and realizing that whatever everyone had shared has profoundly impacted each other's lives. "

After I finished doing up this picture, I felt very drawn to what the others had written, I wanted to know what it meant for them and what it meant for me. Quite unknowingly, their experiences and one-liners made an impact on my life, it resonated throughout my week and I feel -- richer.

As gestalt(some design dude) says "the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts"

From sharing our struggles in life, in community, something really hit me. It almost doesn't matter what you do, or who you are when you are around community. Community is about being there (mind/body/spirit), community is about communication, being in communion with each other.

Commun- , a prefix that means to share, and guess what 3 words all have that prefix?

That is why in the highs of community time, we are living together, doing things together, praying, eating, sleeping, sharing together. After camps we feel such a sense of unity because we shared our struggles and triumphs regardless of what individual people think of it.

In the lows is when communication fails. When I fail to be a friend because I haven't talked to you, and when conversations just don't go into raw emotions, feelings, desires, hurts and joys. Over the past few days, I've come to realize how some of my friendships have failed, how I am unable to break through the emotional barrier that people put up and left feeling so dazed and how relationships break down when we cannot share in the joys and sorrows of our days.

Even the simple act of saying "I saw your picture on the bus! but I was damn angry because the bus was blocking my car!" is sharing. (I quote anne)

"I've always said yes to community."

It was always left unsaid, and to hear it being said out loud by andrew really touched me quite a bit. I've never said no to suppers, never said no to long hthts, never said no long car rides, and for me, it's really these moments that make up community because it's when people go deeper. His statement made me question why on earth do I cling onto community even though I never really gained anything.

I've never not been in community

In the past 7 years, I have never felt like I was not part of the community. When we are happy, we give a group hug and smile and sing more. When we are down, we poke each other and ask what is wrong, and if we dare not do that we ask others or pray over silently. When we are tired, others step in and help lift the burden. When we are burdened, we share the burden and God gives us rest. Regardless of time or the number of people, someone has always been there for me and that someone( or 'someones') is what I'd like to think as God personified. God is always there. I don't think I could ever ask for a better community experience.

With the realization of how many of my friendships aren't where they should be in community and outside, I can't help but feel the need to do something. To be in constant communication with everyone. That is the ideal. But God gives strength.

Sure, people are different, people want different things in life, I have things you don't have and you have experiences I don't have, we all do live in our own private world and we can choose to live life that way. But at the end of the day, only one thing is needed, the desire to share (but as a catholic community it's not just that, it's the desire to share God. )

"Diversity is a source of richness. It is the expression of one and the same spirit which enkindles in our hearts a variety of flames... an experience of family."

My issues are my issues and you can't do much to really help me or make my choices for me. But more often than not, we get lost in our thoughts, in our own world, on a slippery slope to doom. Sometimes, some things only start to make sense in the context of friendship. Like how, with God, all things are possible. Being vulnerable and sacrificing oneself (our need to look strong), that is love, and community is love. (i forgot who said this) I don't know about you but I know that when I die to myself, my own desires and wants, I feel peace and freedom, I really do, like this is what I was called to do.

"Faith ought to be my personal and most free conviction; it must be experienced in the innermost part of my existence. But this existence is found only in community and in society"

You know that extra bit that comes out from working as a team? Group synergy is what they term it in business school, that extra bit to me is Faith, faith in God and faith in one another. (though in log, it's just termed as loglove)

"Friendship which is born out of faith has to do with being able to respect one another, treating one another with sincerity, accepting one another with compassion and communicating with ease and joy"

In Spain, it was difficult to really be community sometimes, stepping on each other's toes and accumulated sleep deprivation, but we all had that desire and I believe that the friendship we had(born out of faith) was strong enough to pull through the storm we went through. When we met each other after 1 week or when we were all dying of exhaustion, we sat down and shared because we knew we needed to. I hardly remember what anyone said but that conviction to share touched me.

Picture this. We are all lost, walking around aimlessly in a desert, tired, quiet, solemn, sad.. but if we all came together, imagine how we will all be. Will we just gather round in a circle and sulk and complain? or will we get up, and play some ninja? :D

2011-09-20T08:08:00.002+08:00

Hi from Manchester! I just came back from dinner with almost 100 Singaporeans in Chinatown. I was happy to meet so many people but I think I returned more sad than before. The meal was pretty nice, made some new friends and had good conversations. Thereafter, we adjourned to a KTV cum club next door. and so I decided to follow the group as I was itching for some Karaoke. However, when we reached, me and another two friends gawked at the price we had to pay per person. The rooms had a spending minimum of 288 pounds, split probably between 10ish people, making it a good 40SGD for drinks and karaoke. The other two were not prepared to spend, neither was I, although I did consider. But when I realised they were really going to party hard, I decided to leave as well.(sidetrack): the cute girl that I showed Soo, who joined me and others for dinner a few days back, joined too. boo =( We walked back from Chinatown to our accommodation which was 30mins walk away. The three of us (one girl and two guys) talked a lot about the lifestyle here - the partying, the clubs, the drinking - I just feel quite out of place, likewise for the two of them as well. Along the way, there were queues to enter clubs, vomit on the pavements (at 10pm mind you), girls with ridiculously short skirts and just so many young people ready to party. But here we are, three Singaporeans walking back to our accommodation. Perhaps I've taken the place of someone else who would fit in better here? But I am glad I came for exchange here with like minded people like me - exchange will be travelling, cooking, being independent and not so much clubbing. It was much better when I came back to my flat and found my Chinese friends still here talking. Joining in their conversation about how they enjoyed the party last night was much better for me. They left at 11pm, so they probably didn't see much crazy stuff so I guess its pretty decent. I'm guessing back in China, they don't get much chance to let go too. Its funny how I feel so much more comfortable with them.But my greatest sadness didn't come from me being such a misfit here in Manchester, I feel sorrowful...I attended the feast of Our Lady of Sorrow here in Manchester on the day I arrived and I was so happy to have done so. I first came across the statue on the pilgrimage in Los Arcos if I remember correctly. (see it here - http://tinyurl.com/6jfcrby) As I looked at the statue, Our Lady's eyes stared into me and seemingly stared into my soul. At that moment, I felt like crying and I kept telling Shaun Liu that the statue looked so sorrowful and I feel like I can feel it too. Then I saw it again on my travels and realize that whenever I keep silent in front of it, it isn't peace I feel but sorrow. I assumed that the sorrow Our Lady felt was for the world, for sinners but on the feast celebration in Manchester, the priest preached about it more. (picture of it in the Parish of the Holy Name of Jesus in Manchester - http://tinyurl.com/6dzr4tq) Here you see Mother Mary holding the body of Jesus and is visibly very sad about the death of her son - how He had been insulted, unjustly accused, tortured and died. Yet, with her Immaculate Heart, Our Lady is also sorrowful for the people and the sins that Jesus had taken upon himself; she was feeling the sorrow for Christ's body - the Church. Our Lady, though human, has become one with Jesus in feeling the sorrow for the people here on earth. I think I need to praise God for giving me this ability to feel that sorrow as well but I also feel that it is really quite heavy a feeling sometimes. I find myself constantly asking the question of so what happened to Christianity here? Well, even though there are many Christian denominations and also the Catholic chaplaincy which set up booths on the main street alongside people advertising for clubs, the faith and the Church is very much absent here. My next question would be, so when will these people find the Truth? Does it really require something big to happen to shake people out of the confusion? My conclusion was that, faith requires an open heart and really, I think this is in God's hands. I decided to write this post instead of many other sharing that I have conceptualized about my travels but this one bothered me so much tonight so I wish to share it first! On a separate note, I'm settling in pretty well. Quite sure I will find some other form of entertainment around here!And lastly, I would like to leave the community with a few questions. Do we feel that sorrow? Do we concern ourselves with the happenings of the universal Church?

2011-09-11T21:15:00.000+08:00

I’ve finished my write-up for WYD. You guys will see it upon the youth wall soon. But there’s another part of WYD that is very personal,thought I’ll just share it on log blog. This is an extension of the sharing Igave outside the basilica before Taize.

There was once, during a confi camp I was serving at, myparents came to visit in church, or they had some meeting in church I forgot. Ithink we had just finished one of the major sessions, praying over or prayingwith or something like that. I was on a spiritual high and when I saw my dad, Irushed over to give him a big bear hug. But my father wasn’t the affectionatekind and he had somehow pushed me away. I remember feeling really hurt, and Ilooked around to see if anyone had seen it. I don’t think I ever blamed him butsometimes I cant help but feel sorry for myself.

Fast-forward a few years later, I started to wonder aboutwhom I was praying to when I pray. Is it Jesus the son, or God the Father?(somehow its easier to identify the Holy Spirit :/ ) And I think someone (Fr.William Goh at awaken?) mentioned that the relationship with the earthly fatheris supposed to reflect the relationship with the heavenly Father. But I didn’t know who my father was. He provided wellfor my family and I know his values and beliefs, vaguely. But I didn’t sharehis worries, concerns or interests. And so, I concluded I probably was notinterested in God the Father and his plans for me. I did not know how much Heloved me. Hence, when I pray, it is difficult to visualise God the Father.

When I was at Valladolid, I met a coordinator named Jesus(pronounce yeh-soos). He spoke no english but during my one week there, Iexperienced an indescribable fatherly love that crossed the language barrier. Hewould tease and tickle me, cheekily give me a shove and pretend it wasn’t him,listen when I sang, and when music played, he would randomly take my hand andencourage me to dance. I laughed like crazy, and with joy, during those fewdays. He wasn’t afraid to hug me or be affectionate. (putting it down in wordsmake it sound so paedophilic) It didn’t feel like he wanted anything from me,just being myself was enough. And I genuinely felt I was a delight in every ofmy actions. He gave me the affection and endearment that my biological fathercould not give (which isn’t actually his fault, in his defense).

Another coincidentally funny thing tt happened was, duringone of the days, the reading was ‘Jesus said: no one knows the son except thefather, and no one knows the father except the son, and anyone to whom the sonwishes to reveal him’, and Jesus didreveal the Father’s love for me. On the last day, he tried to have aconversation with me using whatever limited vocabulary we both knew and a wholelot of hand signals. He worried that I would lose my ‘expressiveness’ when Igot back to the realities of daily routine, and I promised to try not to.

I still cry when I think about it. And when my body reactsthis way, I know he must have touched me much more than my mind can comprehendor put into words.

This is something he shared with me: The Butterfly Circus

Enjoi.

von.

2011-09-07T00:03:00.001+08:00

Hi guys, I shared this on my blog but something told me I should put it here too.

I'm taking a short break from daily world youth day posts because I didn't bring my magis book to Jhouse ): but here's what's been really bothering me.

Coming back from world youth day, as my reflections have said, it was a slightly uneasy feeling. It is strange having to get into the whole humdrum of life in Singapore. When I stepped into the airport I was pretty mixed about being back and it's like post san diego but possibly stronger. I knew I needed to live life and challenge myself to put these ideals into place. The withdrawal symptoms pushed my emotions and made my entire being pine for what was experienced, almost like a drug. And as all drugs, it's never good to just live for those highs so I distracted my mind with doing fyp visuals and soon enough I felt like who I originally was. A person who hangs by her mac all day looking at inspiration from the world, stalks friends and has small conversations peppered throughout the day, shut off from the world around me as all my life is sucked into a computer, and when all that happiness is gone and all that dissatisfaction overwhelms, I head to church trying to feel something, anything, and come back to a night of slightly happier conversations. Getting into that whole routine is almost a complete contrast of who I felt free to be in Spain. There, I detached myself from the computer, refusing any inspiration but from the real living world around me, un-awkward smiles were exchanged everywhere I went, much effort was undertaken for making deep conversations and my day as awesome as possible.

Maybe that is the life I want, that is the life I desire, that is the life that I can feel God most in. I didn't know what made me so unhappy but writing it out makes everything much clearer.

Let me tell you about the tree climbing @ Tavistock.

After the first time, I could feel my skin burning as the sweat touched the fresh skin beneath the one torn off and I stopped. Away from the crowd I stood on the roots to try and gain some height but it didn't really help.

Again I tried, and while trying to go slow and steady, my foot slid down the bark dislodging several pieces of tree bark and dirt, I landed in a standing position and with feet and arms fresh from abrasion I stood there not wanting to look at myself, afraid of what I had done to myself.

You know how frustrating it is to constantly feel your foot slipping on tree bark while you climb up a tree? I stood there for ages looking at what I could leverage on and watched as my friends one after another hop, hoist or pull themselves up to that little spot where the trunk turns to branches. I felt rather dejected but I couldn't stand the fact that I couldn't do it. I knew I had to and was determined to do so. I had tried for so long, and got slightly hurt trying, I had to.

Drawing a parallel to my days, I was super annoyed with my lack of ability to translate my ideal self here and it really bugged me. I didn't know what to leverage on, what to do and so felt tremendously uncomfortable. Something in me knew I had to do something, be someone and I was very determined to do it but unconsciously, the want to be renewed was so bad, it hurt.

Eventually I did it, I'm not sure how but it felt easy, as easy as walking up 2 steps and I sat. I stayed there for as long as I could to just calm myself down and because I daren't jump down. It was rather high.

Right now I'm feeling better after reading the 'call to greater things' in the magis book, I'm taking a breather but hopefully I'll dive straight into life feeling empowered once again.

This is the reason for randomly spontaneous impulses.

Climbing a tree is such inspiration, who knew?

The uneasiness is lifted like God pushing up my backpack of rocks. Maybe he'll change them into diamonds.

So now that I'm over the withdrawal, over the distractions, over the frustration of being uneasy... the call to greater things?

church

2011-09-06T13:56:00.000+08:00

guys, just wanna thank u all for responding so immediately and effectively to sunday's canteen. it's rly affirming to know that when crunch time hits, everyone rallies together to support one another. it's a testament to all of ur commitment to community, that we can pull of such a decent canteen at such a last minute.

not to exonerate (i.e. relieve our guilt) ourselves, but lol greg thinks that it's all part of god's plan to bring the community closer together in a 紧急时刻. seems all too coincidental that we hv 2 canteens so close to one another, all 4 of us missed it out and dom just happened to read e bulletin and realize tt it was our canteen in e nick of time.

thanks esp to those who:

- came down early in e morng to help w setup

- stayed all e way to help w cleanup

- those who brought food

we also wanna share w yall how e entire YMC supported us. when we realized we had canteen, we made some decisions and went to ntuc to buy stuff. because of tt, e entire camp program was pushed back by more than an hour (i.e. night session started at 9; supposed to start at 8). at around 12 midnight+, we broke up the discussion (which wasn't over at all; in fact it only started to get more exciting) cos they knew we needed to cook the aglio olio so everyone headed down to the canteen. we had an entire table of core leaders just helping to cut chilli and chop garlic till 3am. liver's, estelle's and lou's hands were burnt from cutting chilli. lynn practically cooked all our spaghetti. special mention to estelle cos she supervised all of us and taught us everything. like EVERYTHING. beginning with what to buy at ntuc all e way to how much salt to sprinkle at e end.

so guys, i know sometimes we don't feel like we know certain people in log or in YM very well. but at times like this, it's impossible not to realize that we still love each other and are willing to give ourselves for one another, even if we don't really feel like we are friends. perhaps that's the difference between being part of community and simply being friends. as friends, we help each other cos we like each other. as community, we help each other simply cos we're community, and in doing so, discover tt we like each other more and more.

at e discussions during e discernment weekend, one of e major issues we talked about was the integration and unity of YM. swee (i hope i'm assuming correctly) mentioned in e prev post tt it came down to relinquishing one's identity in our community. i share his vision for unity and integration. but i don't rly think it's mutually exclusive from having a 'home' in LoG. i don't think we need to give up our identity. Jesus too, had his 12 apostles, his inner circle; yet they are all part of one church.

so i think e challenge isn't to give up our identity. it is, instead, to look beyond it. from one introvert to another (which is most of us by some quirk of God), it is amazingly tempting to find retreat in the ppl we feel close to rather than in socializing. and that's ok. we have our limits (and for some of us, those limits are uncomfortably low) after all.

but when it is NOT ok is when that 'retreat' becomes exclusionary. it is NOT ok when what we do makes other ppl feel left out. i'll cite examples (positive and negative):

(1) at swee's bday party, there was this moment when i moved to e corner of e room to sit w someone (was it jes? can't rmb lol sry). v quickly, other loggers came over and just like tt, we separated ourselves from all e other communities who were in e central area. we drew e line ard ourselves. was it natural? perhaps. but was it right? definitely not.

(2) at pong's relative's wake, markchong was there. jes and i noticed tt no one was talkg to him even tho he was kindof standg w us, tho not rly being part of e convo. and so we whispered to each other abt it and moaned abt why we had to notice these things, since we were the least capable of reacting towards it. and then, aft bouncing challenges off to one anor, she finally said smth to him to try to get him involved in e convo.

(3) my last example is a person: swee. we must rmb tt he is naturally introverted. and yet so many times, he has demonstrated to us how love for Christ and fellow Christians can transform - when he reached out to Bob & friend at e random fri sharing, when he goes to ard to chat w ppl from other communities during sunday breakfasts and aft weekday masses etc. i also drew inspiration from e fact tt lou was one of those pushg e most strongly for the unity of YM. which i always knew was swee's vision, but i dint think tt lou shared it tt strongly. somehow or anor, swee must hv inspired her. so @swee, just to affirm u: ur dreams do touch others.

this is e kind of culture of challenge and sensitivity tt we need. it is a strange phenomenon tt e quiet ppl who have e sensitivity to notice who is being left out are also exactly e same ppl who find it most difficult to do anything abt it. so to these quiet ppl, i urge: let's challenge one anor. let's talk abt these things tt we notice, these visions tt we dream, and w e affirmation and strength from each other, reach beyond ourselves and out to these ppl. we can still find quiet solace in log's warmth when we become drained, but we have to challenge ourselves to push beyond the lines of community and comfort zones. build friendships with ppl outside of log. heck, build friendships with ppl outside of YM and bring them in! that is evangelism. that is unity. that is church.

one last point. we sometimes take on e attitude of 'log first, then YM'. so we say to ourselves 'i'm not rdy for ym cos i'm not even settled in log!' or 'log isn't even internally settled; how can we focus on YM?' tt has merit to some extent. but ultimately, it is a mindset to be discouraged cos it goes back to e drawing of lines. in e end, we are challenged to see individuals for the Christ in them (a pt tt was made in e prev post too), rather than for which community they belong to. and in loving each other as fellow Christians, rather than as fellow loggers or fellow stoners, integration and unity will naturally happen. love e individual. then community will build itself. tt is e essence of dietrich bonhauffer's quote.

in writing this, i put myself up for hypocrisy cos i know tt i'm on e extreme end of introversion. and so this challenge is v much for me, as much as e rest of us. so challenge me too =)

hv a gd week ahead yosh!

mel

My Own Thoughts about YMC

2011-09-05T09:30:00.002+08:00

Having core and all run off to discernment over the weekend has made me think. So let me just share some of my thoughts.

When it comes down to it. It's YMC - Youth MINISTRY Council. The latter 2 words just refer to work. In a large sense, that's what I feel YMC is - Work. There is no emotional attachment to it, just a sense of responsibility bothering the few people who care.

Like why would someone from LoG care about other communities or care about YMC events. They care about their own communities, maybe... hopefully God, and hence just turn up to YMC events. They have friends in the larger community, which does not transcend into and links within YMC, but just exists between them.

Then there are a handful who care. Who have dreams. Some who had dreams about the YMC, about SFX, about the Church. Who come to every single YMC event, hoping to accomplish this ideal. Who end up leading, doing and attending everything. At some point or other, just feel very tired and dejected.

Maybe, this is just my beef about the YMC. But how I'd long for everyone to be one big community. How I long for communities to love each other. For communities to come together to share the same ideals. Aren't we all communities? Our goal is the same.

I once had this reflection about what is required for unity among the youth. For me, it came down to relinquishing one's own identity in the bubble of comfort they call their community and to claim it in Christ. But at that point of time, I could not even bear the thought of LoG being called LoG anymore - just by what it means to me.

Can you let go off a name?

Where does your identity lie?

In it all, I am not here to judge anyone or any community. Everyone has their reasons. But though I might have dreams and want the YMC to succeed. It will just continue to be nothing but work for me.

p.s. Don't ask others(YMC) to read this. If they find it, it's okay! =D

2011-09-04T15:40:00.002+08:00

a reiteration: don't let your mind nag you, i.e. don't spin the same thoughts & emotions over & over again.

It might just drive you mad

dom

Our God is Here

2011-08-20T11:55:00.004+08:00

Hi guys,

I haven’t posted in LOG Blog for quite some time now so I decided I shall post today. Hope everyone is doing well. This post is a little bit of how I feel; it also has a sharing and an invitation.

Well, this week was my study week which means I had time so I went for mass almost every day. Going for mass everyday was good and every day I sat with Nigel and it kind of was both of us throughout the week and it’s not that I don’t want to sit with Nigel but I just wished that there were more people to sit with. However, with these feelings I had, I gave my community which is you guys excuses such as they are busy or 6 people have gone for WYD and so on. I felt inspired today when I saw Cornerstone at mass today, they filled up one whole pew with about at least 8 people and then 2 others had to sit behind in another pew. Looking at Cornerstone made me a little envious of them because they get to go and celebrate Jesus together as a community and I think just looking at them coming for mass and sitting together like that made me think about a time I have sat like that with LOG and just had the feeling of coming for mass with my community and just the unity. Unfortunately that is when it dawned upon me that I have never sat with LOG for daily mass filling up a whole pew before (for me at least or I just can’t remember). Then reality struck me that it cannot be all the 29 loggers are busy today or the 6 loggers who are at WYD are the only people who come for daily mass and this is when I realized I was making excuses for my community all this while. Hence, here I am typing this post at LOG Blog. I don’t exactly know why everyone doesn’t go for mass or even when we go most of the time we don’t sit with one anotherL.

Anyway, some of us are well aware that the routine of going for daily mass has faded away and this is a sad truth but there is still so much hope and I want to contribute to that hope by sharing with you my sharing of why I go for mass and even daily mass, and by doing this I hope I can revive the passion of going for mass again. I shared this sharing at the confirmation camp this year so if it sounds familiar it is because some of you may have heard it. Honestly, God is a really funny man, this week me and Nigel were studying in LOG room and then suddenly Nigel started to play the guitar and he played this song which I haven’t heard probably since after confirmation camp so it was quite cool and we ended up singing it. Thereafter, the rest of the week I have been listening to that song and the song truly explains my perspective of mass in words. The song is Our God is here. You can click the link, listen to it and continue reading the post if you want.

Our God Is Here | spiritandsong.com

Lyrics of Our God is Here
1. Here in this time, here in this place,
here we are standing face to face.
Here in our hearts, here in our lives,
our God is here.
Here for the broken, here for the strong,
here in this temple we belong.
Here in our hearts, here in our lives,
our God is here.
And we cry:

Refrain
“Holy! Holy! Holy are you!”
We cry: “Holy! Holy! Holy and true!”
Amen, we do believe our God is here.
Our God is here.

2. Here in the Word, God is revealed,
here where the wounded can be healed.
Here in our hearts, here in our lives,
our God is here.
Here we become what we receive,
here in this Eucharistic feast.
We are his body, living as one;
our God is here.
And we cry:

Okay, so yes this song explains what mass is to me. I know everyone knows it in the head that Jesus truly is at mass but how many of us actually do believe it. The day people start to transfer the knowledge about the Eucharist truly being Jesus from their heads to their hearts is when they will run to church every day for mass because they realize it is such a privilege, yet again in Singapore we actually have mass every day and so mass sometimes becomes a routine, and we take it for granted. At mass Jesus is there for me when I am strong or weak, when I am filled or empty, when I am sad or happy and so much more, at mass JESUS is there for me. And there is a line which says “Here in this temple we belong” and we belong to this temple as a community of believers and also “We are his body, living as one” is another phrase which truly brings in the element of community into mass. There is so much more I can share about what mass it to me, but I honestly don’t want to bore you all so if you still want hear more come and ask me =). The song speaks volumes to me and I hope it does to you too.

So I have shared with you a bit about what mass is to me, and now I invite you to come and to encounter Jesus in a real, a passionate way at mass, and I really invite everyone who is free to just come for daily mass with LOG and truly experience Jesus as a community.

In God’s love,

Greg

2011-08-15T08:24:00.003+08:00

morning all!

today as i was on the btc bus to school, there was this person who was preaching to someone. I found his speech to be rather fundamental, almost childlike but not exactly. He used words which may or may not mean the same thing to us. It can be quite frustrating to another person because it doesn't catch the essence of anything. Sometimes we do that to our selves as we play thoughts out over & over again.

I am sure as we got about life, we found ourselves changing what we thought of about certain things. Faith sure took tumbles and leaps at different times. at times, we have to take a step back and reconsider what things like love, peace, hate, passion and all mean to us.I would not consider that old meanings are trashy, or trying to make something new out of it would be an upstart. But rather, god has brought us to another point of view or perhaps a different level of understanding of what certain things mean to us.
I am sure our faith was not meant the same. Because we all are children of god. not simply trusting and loving, but one that matures and grow in wisdom like the child jesus did. hence i don't' like the idea of fundamentalist views. So continue growing even when you are old.

dom

To be superhuman or to be super powerful?

2011-08-07T21:10:00.007+08:00

Morning!

I was just thinking of kong's dreaming of super powers. This tickles my fancy quite a lot. Yeap. Went to wiki a bit about super powers too. Things like fat-manipulation and all is quite funny and a amazing too at the same time.

Then something dawn to me for a while. That there is a class of power beyond superhuman powers-- Power of God. Which is namely 'love'. Love that conquers all, moves everything and everyone; a power which can heal hearts and minds and bring about unity and sealing of rifts. Why is it beyond human or superhuman? Because beings with or without superpowers or powers may be unable of agape. From God comes faith, hope and love (not very sure about where charity lies though). Love that would compel you to make acts which transcend human nature and to acquire certain ‘super powers’ to do the will of God--true love(not romantic love hor). So never lose sight of God. Of course it isn't ass simple as written. Humans liek to linearise things, but most things in life aren't linear.

Ok now read 1 Co 13.

It’s fine to fantasise about super powers. I am sure many of us do that. Have fun. Generating money or manipulation of bank accounts seem to be nice ones, though I don’t think that would happen.

Maybe someone can do a spreadsheet with things like this:

name	abilities	inspired by character/people	description

might not be a good idea to post this here though.

dom

2011-07-26T23:12:00.002+08:00

Hey LoG :)

Just felt like sharing something I've been thinking about lately. It all started I guess when melmel shared about what he felt was his vision for LoG and talked about how it would all be like in the future. He mentioned a lot of things like Kong's dream, attending each other's weddings where LoG would take up one huge table for ourselves :) and stuff like that. I can't exactly remember the things that he said but I do remember just trying to understand what it would be like and so I let my imagination run wild. I can recall very vividly that I was greatly overwhelmed with emotion at the images that came to my mind though I cannot exactly remember the image that appeared in my head (it was sort of like all of us going to church and each of us also with our own families and our kids all knowing each other.. something like that). I was almost moved to tears, which upon reflection sounds a bit ridiculous but I really was. In that moment, I realized just how badly I wanted that image in my head to be a reality. I realized just how much I would give to have that instant in the far flung possible future to be my present. But ultimately I also truly realized what was in that image which I so desperately craved. In that image, I saw love. Love in great and sheer abundance, freely given and freely received. It was that vision of love that left me wanting, it left me hollow, for it showed me truly how hollow I was. I think perhaps it was God's message to me, to remind me once again what it is that I truly want and what I am fighting for.

This realisation did not occur at once and even now I am trying to fully grasp the message but I think I know now what my dreams are or at least what they are about. I shall continue dreaming then to remind myself of what my ultimate destination of my journey is. I will do my best everyday to remember this message and to live it as much as I can. During my times of struggles I shall recall that they are not truly struggles, for they are but stepping stones on my stairway to heaven and ultimately they get me where I want to go.

I shall dream then, till my dreams become reality.

Love,

Andrew

:D

2011-07-24T00:26:00.001+08:00

2011-07-23T19:17:00.002+08:00

(guys, i am spamming becos nobody else is blogging. please write.)

came home from a whole afternoon of writing and a crisis in my face. i dont think i ever shared with you guys about losing my sister to marriage. i think when god conceptualised marriage, i was meant to gain a brother, but i have never felt certain about it. right now, i just want to tell her 'i told you so'. but more than that, i want to run to her, and hold her and cry for her because i know how hard it must be for her. but i cant, because we have somehow built a barrier when i was growing up. dont let your thots run wild, nothing major happened, no scandal. it was a gradual thing. but then again, that's the worst kind. when you dont know how it happened. i get more fearful every time i read this article, cos i worry for my sister, i worry for my niece, and im gonna be away for so long.

so for all my brothers-in-christ, dont think you have a long way to go. we're all actually reaching there. please remember this before you propose.

and for all the girls, dont give your men discounts.

here!

von.

2011-07-22T00:15:00.002+08:00

you know you're meant to be in LOG when:

- you keep bumping into loggers!

- all the time

- even when there's like maybe less than 30 loggers in the whole world

- as compared to few tens/hundreds in other groups of friends you have

thankyew ricer, bel, kris, soo, raphael, nut, and the rest of the loggers im gonna randomly bump into :D

von.

*disclaimer: you are still a logger even if you dont randomly bump into anyone else :/ bump into me!! :D lol!!

Challenging

2011-07-19T13:19:00.003+08:00

hm we had a chat w jude in e morning and as always, he challenged us. and what he said abt challenging others struck me. so yep here are my reflections on challenging others and being challenged.

Challenging. I think I’ve been in two minds about challenging others for quite some time now. On one hand, I know it needs to be done so that people can grow; on the other, I know that a lot of sensitivity is required because there is a very fine line between judging and challenging. And we often feel judged when people challenge us. It’s not that they are actually judging us; but we feel judged all the same because of our pride. And for most parts, I have erred on the side of sensitivity because I didn’t want to hurt people’s feelings by causing them to feel judged.

So you can see that there are two parties to challenging – (1) the one challenging; and (2) the one being challenged. And then there are three types attitudes that (1) can take:

(a) He challenges because he judges;

(b) He doesn’t challenge because he doesn’t want to judge or make (2) feel like they are being judged; and

(c) He challenges because he knows that even though (2) might feel that he is being judged, he cares for (2) enough to risk (2) thinking that (1) is being judging.

So (c) is clearly the most loving attitude to take. The problem is that as (2), we often feel that (1) is taking the attitude of (a) when he is actually taking on the attitude of (c).

Ok sorry I know that I’m being really cerebral here. The point I’m trying to make is, cut my pb some slack cos he loves all of yall very much. Haha! No but seriously, I think as the ones being challenged, we need to swallow our pride and know that our community challenges us because they love us.

As for the ones challenging, we need to be clear in our hearts that we must love first, then challenge the person, because we want what’s best for that person. Then, sensitivity and gentleness will come naturally, because we do everything in love.

- Mel

Re: Von

2011-07-17T23:14:00.004+08:00

He who loves his dream of community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though his personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial.

I think what after Von mentioned that this quote by Dietrich Bonhoeffer is worth a second mention, especially those who weren't around for the session. He writes this in the context that idealistic dreams imposed on the community by individuals are the reason that it breaks down. When such dreams are shattered by the reality of community, people become disillusioned and leave.

I think for most of us we have understood the reality of community and its difficulties, but within an acceptable, comfortable zone. Bringing a person into community sort of throws the dynamics into disarray, having to make awkward small talk, being mindful of not leaving the person out of conversation etc etc. We become too protective of the broken community that we already have such that we scowl at accepting another broken person. Like a bunch of homeless people rejecting another homeless dude cos theres no space in their makeshift cardboard house. So, agree with von.

You can read his full article here but I actually don't like the tone. Too hard-line realistic.
http://www.pietyhilldesign.com/blog/2007/04/02/genuine-community-by-dietrich-bonhoeffer/

poupou

2011-07-17T21:39:00.003+08:00

im surprised the way it came out of my mouth today. its such a scary image (hence we all push it out of our minds) that i think it has to be said again.

when we are at the peak of community living, there will be high turnover rate

people will flock here because there is much to gain here (we have much to offer). and even more will receive and start finding their own life purpose and vocation. log to me is family and home, and where i am most comfortable. but i also hope and pray that we will never love community more than we love God. it is a dangerous situation that i also find myself in. when i seek a comfortable familiarity instead of getting to know another brother/sister-in-christ, i know that i am secure in my friends' acceptance and not in God's love. maybe this is why we come across as exclusive. we have been secure in one another all along, instead of being secure in God. because God's love is not exclusive, it is for everyone. i've always wondered why we havent attracted enough strangers, because i know that if we really were for God, there would have been visible signs of growth (and i mean in numbers). perhaps this is the first hurdle to cross in reaching out to people: to be secure first in God's love, then only can we be family and home to one another without consequences

von.

morning shine

2011-07-16T16:07:00.003+08:00

Every now & then, what happens before our eyes is our personal world shatters collapses before our very eyes. This world in which we strive to build, every thing, my house my shield my circles my hopes my dreams just seems to breakdown upon their own weight of importance & expectations & illusions & hollowness.

We constantly try to build our lives, & sometimes we are crushed by the unnecessary weight. & when we are crushed, we turn to addictions, illusions & anything we can to fill this hollowness & pain in us.

Do you know why we feel the need to constantly do something; sometimes the 'something' is 'nothing'. To think less, to feel important, to feel tired. To break away is rather difficult. Sometimes our minds are hardwired to do something. It is so reflexive so natural & so part of ourselves.

& when we are spent, we are trapped in this looping spiralling thing that simply traps us.
We have to look at what we were, what we did, what makes us who we are today. How have our values shifted. What are the pains we bear/bore. What do we base our future on. our strengths our weaknesses our losses. our knowledge our wisdom & our foolishness. our pride & our shame.
In this hall of mirrors we see ourselves painfully naked. Then descend into the darkness--the darkness in which we have shifted attention away from all we know, all we think ourselves to be. Let God hold you in his hand for a while. I wouldn't think it as illumination, rather we cling to the refound hope & joy in the Lord.
night

2011-07-14T23:00:00.002+08:00

Hey LoG :)

I've been called to write something on the blog for a long time and at many instances. But for some reason I have always put it on hold or perhaps like the prophet Jonah, resent the message and words that I am given and asked to speak. Curious. I really wonder why I put myself through such ordeals.. I guess as always I am just afraid, or maybe it's just that I cannot truly express what I see in my head and that just frustrates me. It's probably a mixture of the two; That I am afraid that I will be misunderstood and that my true meaning is not interpreted in the way it should be.

Ah yes "should be".. Those two words are as harmless as any but put them together and they just encompass your whole concept of expectation. This estranged cousin of "what if" is what has plagued me with unyielding fury and at times truly tested my sanity and faith. Upon reflection, I realized that I was not able to fully expand on the idea of "dreams" in my session and I must apologize for eschewing my given time which was meant to share my spirituality with you all into more a time where I tried to "administer" and so picked a part of me that I believed would. I feel more and more like I have received the seed in soil with thorns and weeds; The words given to me constantly choked and stifled. This feeling is amplified by the burden of "should be", somehow it just doesn't add up and what I feel are the words that God would have me speak just don't come out right. Maybe Jess is right, that my gifting lies with speaking in prayer, where I am more tuned in with God and I just say what pops into my head. No hassle, no frustration, no worries and no need to ensure everything flows out right. This has many implications and it just goes to show that I choose to only be in tune with God at certain moments and begs questions like why can't I be in sync all the time? Why can't I hear the music of the gears ringing in my ears and see God's plan unfolding before at every moment? Why not? Isn't that how it should be?

By now you would have realized that my thoughts splinter and divide and morph into scary stuff, into questions that I cannot answer straight out and emotions that I must expend energy to silence. To be honest I have no idea why I just can't seem to focus nowadays, in many things and not just chim spiritual stuff. It's scary for me. And I am afraid because if I cannot focus on ideas and things, I cannot focus on God. Guess I really am a Ravenclaw haha. I feel like I wage a fierce battle within myself everyday and I find myself swinging from highs to lows frighteningly quickly. Story ---> When I talked to my sister about some of my problems I lamented that my demons got buffed. Then she laughed and said stack more armour then I retorted that they got armour pen... Well.... she laughed lol.

Meh. I guess that's that. I have no witty phrase, interesting quote or deep insight. I often come to this page with a yearning to share a deep and profound insight into the Mind of God. Today I came with that same purpose but all I can churn out is a sad note about how I can't. So I pray for clarity of mind, a hope that I will one day be able to be a true messenger of Christ, that I can truly believe the words that I speak for most don't come from me, and most of all I pray that I get buffed :P

Pray for me.

Be well.

Love,

Andrew

Log Love!

2011-07-14T00:11:00.002+08:00

Hey log, poey here! I want to thank every single one of you for your prayers and support over the past 3 weeks. It's really really a blessing and a big part of my strength during this time is knowing that you guys have been praying for me. When i first got the news about my dad's situation, i really felt the strongest need to tell you guys to ask for your prayers. Thank you for the msges that flooded my inbox (i saved them all!) Thank you for all the rosaries prayed after mass. For all the intentions offered up at mass and such (thanks bel) and also for von who wrote me a note, that really helped me put things in perspective. For oliver and swee keeping me company today. For everybody who offered to lend a listening ear. And for praying over me during session. Over the past 3 weeks, I've felt an outpouring of God's Love from you guys, a love which sustains me a lot. Log love!

I think in particular i would like to affirm oliver's mum, aunty Linda. She's like mother-in-christ and sort of part of the community right? The whole situation has been very difficult to handle for my mum. Ive been talking to her and she really feels a lot of stress, pressure and weight on her shoulders. But Aunty Linda has been msging her daily, and she really clings on to what she says :) And ever since it started, I've seen her spirit pick up and she's starting to become more positive. So i want to thank aunty linda and the spirit for moving within her :D

2011-07-14T00:10:00.001+08:00

Hello everyone!
I just wanted to leave a post here to let you guys know I'm off to Perth tomorrow, I'll be back 22nd July. It's been a pretty long, tiring and stressful journey. Hoping all goes well. And an update, I got the job I wanted. Praise God for that :) I'm still trying to rearrange my life, all I can say is, I'm looking forward to the day I can go back for session again. Everything in its own time eh? Just know that I'm thinking of you guys, and keeping you guys in my prayers.

Love,
Rice

2011-07-04T11:21:00.002+08:00

Hi all, just thought I would add on some points to the whole mission/vision thought process. Btw do read von's post below this, it's a good one.

Actually this was what Dom shared with me last night, on his thoughts on how we could structure our thought process when thinking about LOG's mission.

Four questions can be asked (in order):
1. What is your mission (this is individualistic, and may differ from 2)

2. What is LOG's mission

3. How does 2 this fit into YM's mission? (I'll try to get this to you guys, it's on the Youth Wall!)

4. Honestly, how much can you commit to 2? (Obviously the answer should be 100%, but we all know that it isn't possible. This functions like a reality check for 2. No point having something super idealistic which you don't see yourself committing to at all, and neither is it good to have something which doesn't force you out of your comfort zone. It's all about balance.)

At the same time continue to pray/reflect about our current tentative vision, we'll finalise it this Sunday! AND LET'S STORM HEAVEN W OUR INTERCESSIONS FOR THIS WEEK'S INTENTIONS! God bless and have a Spirit filled week!

Love,
Soo

2011-07-03T22:11:00.002+08:00

okay. von here. this post is not so much to explain my outburst today, but to give yall something to think about. i hope it actually stimulate some thots.

whatever the definition of fully alive is for each of us, i have no problem with that. in fact, it all sounds logical and i agree with most of whatever you guys said. i am just very against it because the phrase 'fully alive' is vague and its definition was not finalised or even thot of until very much later (to try and convince me perhaps). plus, as i have explained, it makes perfect sense only in St. Iraneus' statement:

The glory of God is man fully alive
(hence my sharing of my own interpretation w some of fr garcia's input)

i am also against it because it is a very nice phrase to use, and hence might be a distraction, when the vision of log could have been more accurate. just like how i insisted erasing mel mel's sentence so we dont have to be limited by the structure of his sentence and to try and fit in the elements. forming the vision shld involve more of extracting the essence of log and putting it down in plain simple english.

it means that when you think of log, what do you think of? do you think about living your lives to glorify God everyday?

personally, when i think of log, i think about the relationships we share, the support we give to each other, here or overseas, sharing the illnesses and deaths of relatives, but also celebrating achievements like passing driving or ORD, random HTHTs/lunchtime masses/supper/intellectually stimulating talks, i think about the people who have been part of log, and hope that one day they will be part of us again, and also the people at the peripherals who need the most support. i am not saying it is wrong to try and live fully alive. i am saying that if we form a vision that is not the essence of log, we will forget the vision just like we forgot the previous one. when i think of log, 'fully alive' does not capture the essence of what you guys are to me. yes, living to glorify God in every single one of my actions, everyday of my life, is a goal and log might challenge me to a certain extent. but for now, i would want a vision that is succinct and accurate, so that it can work for every individual logger. what is log to you? what is the best part that log has given you? the opportunity and challenge to live fully alive to glorify God everyday?

ps. this post was not written to step on anybody's toes. if you are offended, i truly apologise in advance

2011-06-23T10:09:00.003+08:00

Morning everyone, I'm having a rather relaxed morning at work and so I would like to share this article I read a few days back. I subscribe to his twice-weekly newsletter and the articles are really good. Anyway, this article reminded me of the Church's true mission and how our larger mission (individual or community) should flow from and be aligned to this.

RELIGION'S TRUE BIRTHRIGHT (Ron Rolheiser)

1993-05-26

Recently I was part of a panel which was interviewing people who were hoping to enter full-time ministry in the church. One of the questions we asked everyone we interviewed was: "What, in your mind, is the greatest task facing the church today? What, in your dream of ministry, do you most want to accomplish?"

One man, when asked this, answered without hesitation: "The major task of ministry today is to bring people to accept Vatican II. Too many people are blocked in terms of renewal."

That is a laudable answer, though, in my opinion, an unfortunate one. Too many of us, people who can still remember the pre-Vatican II church, are people who are dealing more with the past, our own and our church's, than with the present and its real needs. Because of this we tend to confuse our own religious issues and wounds with the real religious needs of the world and most often end up missing the forest for the trees. Let me try to explain:

What is the greatest task facing the church today? What should ministry strive to bring about?

Long before Vatican II (or, indeed, the Vatican) is ever mentioned our task is to try to awaken within people the sense that God exists, that God is alive, and that, because of this, there is a challenge and a consolation that is deeper than they have ever imagined. Our first task in ministry is to tell people that they are being held, unconditionally and inescapably, in the hands of a living and loving God and that this God is delighting in them. Before anything else, we need to remind people that God is real and that, because of that, there is a deep goodness and sense to everything, including their own desires, temptations, and tortured sensitivies.

The rest of ministry flows from that. Somewhere, down the line, there will need to be talk, important talk, of church, of dogma, of denominational boundaries, of moral codes, of liturgy and worship, of authority structures and about who should be ordained, and perhaps even of Vatican II. But these latter things, all of them, are parasitical by nature, they take their blood out of some other life, in this case, from the life which appears when people realize that they are unconditionally loved and held by the source and origin of all life. As that realization sinks in, it will bring with it, slowly, the awareness that it is, after all, a demanding thing to fall into the hands of a living God and many of the things that Vatican II talked about will then become important issues. But that comes later.

Thus, the task of religion is to evangelize desire, to make the whole world and everyone in it understand existentially the truth and the implications of Augustine's famous prayer: "You have made us for yourself, Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you."

As we look at our world today (and at our own children!) we need to be clear that this is our most important religious task. We need to evangelize our world's desires by revealing the consolation and the challenge of God; otherwise the irresistible physicality, lure, and wildness of pagan beauty will continue to take away both the world's breath and most of its capacity for virtue and worship.

The last quarter century has produced libraries full of valuable scriptural exegesis, good historical correctives to bad theology and corrupt ecclesiology, sensitive moral insights, and every kind of useful suggestion regarding theology and programs for sacraments and liturgy. What it hasn't produced are an effective missiology and effective missionaries for a first-world context.

Yet that is what is perhaps most needed today, missionaries who can evangelize first-world desire. The harvest is ripe, but the Christian labourers (who are on the right track) are few ... as is evident from the fact that more and more people are turning to New Age spiritualities, pagan philosophies, and various ideologies in an attempt to make sense out of their eroticism, their restlessness, their innate moral promptings, and their innate grandiosity and religiosity.

The human heart today, as much as in any other age, sincerely yearns for to feel both the consolation and the challenge of God. Offering that is religion's birthright ...and it is our first task as a church.

I hope this spoke to you in some way or another! Have a great day ahead, hope to see you as we serve as a community at St Bern's tomorrow. Our little effort in the Church's mission, may we be signposts that point people to God.

Love, Jess

2011-06-12T21:32:00.002+08:00

hi guys eh my blog has locked posts sometimes. e most recent one is e one abt my silent retreat. a bit too private to let general public read. so just ask me for pw k if u wanna read. i'm ok most of e times to share w community =)

mel

2011-06-08T23:39:00.003+08:00

omg i took forever to pack for camp. hur. so tmr's awaken, and i thot maybe i'll just share smtg here. its been quite long since i attended a camp where i am the participant and not facil or log team or intercessory... not that i ever chionged for church camps like i did for poly camps. anyhow, i dont know if its a good or bad thing, but i have expectations of this camp. i really hope i can be awakened. ive been with log since it was 'born', but somehow i nv felt like i gave back anything significant to the community. when i look at pple like liver, soo, mark tang, jess, i feel so proud of them. and guilty/ashamed at myself. and i often qn why, how come im not doing as much. (realise i didnt even facil this yr's camp) its not like i dont understand that i shld receive and give back. i rmb when log was still young, i was the one who advocated for social work (go out and do stuff) over formation for sessions. and yet, i always find myself not available, not willing to take up sessions or get involved etc. im the kind who will either go all out or not at all. but i also realise community living is a social thing, there are a lot of social factors involved. so maybe its not my time yet? just that day at bible sharing, i listened to cherisse say the opening prayer and i recognised it as ~~immature~~ premature. i realised i havent verbalised prayer for the longest time and i wondered and actually feared if this gift had degenerated (random: i think jess's gift for verbalising prayer is awesomest in log, its damn melodious). i lifted a prayer for awaken during intercessions and thank god it hadnt. so yea, im not using my gifts wisely. maybe im not using it at all. doesnt help that i am spiritually bipolar. but perhaps after this camp it will be my turn soon...

von.

2011-06-01T23:36:00.006+08:00

Hey Log :)

This is a week overdue and I think its about time this went up. The words didn't seem to come to me until now.

Finally got around to writing out all my thoughts about camp (yes jes ask you thou shalt receive :P) and all but firstly I want to thank those of you who gave up your time to come for the camp and contribute. (And the group of you who came to see the mime) Seeing familiar faces during camp helped to put me more at ease and kind words of affirmation gave me strength to keep on going. Log <3 :)

This camp has really given me a lot to think about and reflect upon but most of all I am amazed at what I have received.

I think that this camp has truly been a time of great spiritual renewal for me and I have to say that on prep day I definitely was not prepared, least of all spiritually, for what was to come at all. Only close to midnight of that day did I finally realize the enormity of my task; of actually having to facilitate people, of having to somehow move their hearts and open their minds to show them the great love of this God who is just so wonderful and amazing. I was afraid. I wondered how I was supposed to bring His message to the hearts of the sec 2s, knowing first hand how hard my heart was back then, but I knew that all I could do was trust that some miracle would be worked; there was no backing out now.

Now that I think about it, there can really be no doubting God's perfect plan. Those left in my charge were more on the quiet side, but deep within there was no doubt they had the seed of desire to know more about their faith. Ok I definitely had doubts but God definitely put it there so He had no doubts. Sharings were not particularly eventful and not very encouraging. But I saw that they wrote a lot and deep within they reflected on what they were told. Touch time made me nervous but in the end things worked out well. After some period of reflection, they all suddenly reminded me of myself in one way of or another. I was truly comforted by that thought. I felt that God was giving me a cross that I could handle.

I am thankful that Gracemary was my co-facil; her greater experience with camps supplemented my ignorance or lack of words. I did not imagine that working with someone outside LoG would be as easy or as natural. So praise God for the expansion of my corner/bubble/hole.

Truly, He was amongst us during the camp and guided the hands, words and hearts of the service team to nurture that seed of faith He placed in their heats. The night of praying with was surprisingly more moving for me as a facil than I remember as a participant. Being able to bear witness to the great change of hearts and to see God work in so many people at the same time was one of the most inspiring things I have seen.

This is like 1 week since camp and everything is all fuzzy but warm and I think all the important bits are there so I'll cut short my storytelling here. I promise better recording for confi :) Regardless, there are profound lessons I have learnt from my camp experience.

1. 5 loaves and 2 fish aren't a lot but it's enough to feed 5k when offered to God with extras included. He will multiply your efforts and time spent to do the seemingly impossible and you end up more laden with grace than before.

2. His yoke is easy and burden light; He will not put for you a cross that you cannot carry. His plan is perfect.

3. When 2 of 3 are gathered in His name He will be there amongst them. Truly the power of combined, focused prayer is limitless and it is that which sharpens us to be instruments of His grace.

4. Milo powder is awesome.

Love,

Andrew

The Will of God

2011-06-01T15:15:00.001+08:00

The will of God will never take you,

Where the grace of God cannot keep you,

Where the arms of God cannot support you

Where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,

Where the power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you,

Where the Spirit of God cannot work through you,

Where the wisdom of God cannot teach you,

Where the army of God cannot protect you,

Where the hands of God cannot mold you.

The will of God will never take you,

Where the love of God cannot enfold you,

Where the mercies of God cannot sustain you,

Where the peace of God cannot calm your fears,

Where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you,

Where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears,

Where the Word of God cannot feed you,

Where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,

Where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.

Everything happens for a purpose.

We may not see the wisdom of it all now,

but trust and believe in the Lord that everything is for the best.

i think i've been faced with a lot of struggles recently but i found this poem (an extension of mad's phrase!) which really reminds me to keep trusting in God through any darkness, to help me find His light when i have no light to shine of my own.

Recently, i had to confess a very painful truth. I didn't stand to gain anything from it and in fact it would cause a lot of conflict, guilt, and pain. My human nature told me that "if its only going to hurt you, then there's not reason to say it and nobody will be hurt." and thats usually how i act to these situations. But I asked the Holy Spirit for courage, and he really blessed me with the grace to go through with it. And even though i inevitably suffered through the pain and consequences of lying, I thank God for helping me through this. It happened for a reason, and my actions helped to bring me closer to Him in trust and repentance. Because confessing a lie, especially a lie that is easy to keep and would keep people from being hurt, has been especially difficult for me.

I just want to thank Him, for keeping me, supporting me, working through me, sustaining me, calming me, drying my tears and feeding me through His Word. praise God.

Wonderful, Beautiful, Glorious, Matchless In Every Way

2011-05-31T20:26:00.002+08:00

I get post 444 lol. And yes, I'm listening to Here in Your Presence right now!

Just had to get a few of my thoughts out after coming back from sec 2 camp, despite me being at a loss of words for the wonders and graces God has poured out over the past 3 days. I am extremely humbled and blessed to see God working through the service team and for the ways in which he has touched the participants :') Seriously words don't do Him justice, and I'll just leave it as that - a reminder of His everlasting faithfulness and immense love for each and every one of us.

Remember my sharing on Friday about purification of intentions and wanting to serve in camp out of love and not out of a feeling of responsibility? I praise God for allowing me to do so, and quite easily in fact! I believe that it was because we IMMERSED oursevles in prayer (spiritual prep at 6.45am in the morning zomg. random but annointed coming together in the middle of the day to intercede etc.), and it was from this simple act that God's graces flowed and continued to do so till they were overflowing. This was a reminder to me of the power of prayer, something that I neglect to do so very often when I'm tired, and I've learnt that prayer >>> everything else. I used to complain that even if we pray a lot it is no use when we are tired, and sleep/rest >>> prayer. I assure you that is nonsense, because God was able to take away all my tiredness this morning (and I believe for others in the service team as well) to allow us to serve Him effectively.

Which brings me to my main point, which is for us to immerse ourselves in prayer in preparation for the upcoming core elections. I know it may seem arbitrary at times and like God doesn't actually give us a clear answer on who to vote for, but simply being UNITED in prayer as a community is enough for the Holy Spirit to lead and guide this Sunday. And with all things I have to make a reference to GE 2011 and say that this upcoming core elections is a watershed one (harhar.), with the young ones (potentially) stepping up in core and old guards (Mark Tang, for one) stepping down for some rest. It is really exciting to be on the crux of a revival in LOG's journey, and I ask each one of you to spend time to intercede and lift LOG up in prayer (and don't give the excuse that you don't have time/too tired - been there and done that, and I can tell you that it's rubbish. Haha.)

Last but not least, for those feeling dry and discouraged in their walk with God - remember your own faith journey. Another thing that sec 2 camp has taught me is to look back on OUR own journey, and see how much we have grown. From the litte teeny irritating kiddies with God being nowhere near on our minds to adults who are a little bigger and are hopefully less irritating, allowing God to direct our steps each and every day. Remember the people you have journeyed with during camps and retreats, and marvel at how God has used you as His instrument to allow them to experience Him and to grow in love. We are after all the greatest testaments of His wonder, beauty, glory, and matchlessness.

Keeping y'all in my prayers,
Soo

2011-05-29T21:39:00.003+08:00

Hi friends!

Alex here! Feeling kinda burdened by the many many many things happening this hols. Doesn't really seem like I'll have time to catch my breath (even with the less-than-two-weeks buffer period before US). Dk why, been really really annoyed recently. That's probably why I didn't share on friday (sorry :/) - didn't want to launch into a mass of angsty rants. But at the same time, I keep asking God like why he puts me in certain situations. Like now, I'm actually most annoyed that I'm going for pre u sem tomorrow. It was a horrid choice, or at least it seems that way, cuz I'm missing sec two camp and like, I don't know ANYTHING about current affairs, at all. Kinda have this feeling that I'll be bored out of my wits. To put the icing on the cake, we were told that due to safety reasons, we can't attend ascension mass. And maybe it's just me and my little-girl, micro view but I'm pretty upset la (see what i mean, ANGST). Anyway, guess what I wanted to say was, pray for me please! Cuz everything is moving too fast and too differently from the way I expected. And visit Mars and I at PGPR (I think that's what it's called) if you guys are in school! I promise I'll put on my happy face!

Hope y'all are having fun at sec two camp, have a great week!

Love, Alex.

2011-05-28T02:16:00.002+08:00

von says hello!

thought i better blog this while it is still fresh in my mind. what i said in response to kong's sharing, i meant it. to let yourself be taken advantage of, is easier to get to heaven. (sentence is a bit cui but you get the idea) we learn in 'love and responsibility' that the opposite of loving is not hating, the opposite of loving is using a person. and for me the reverse is true: loving the person is letting the person use you.

i struggle a lot with letting someone take advantage of me, only with one person, and that is my mum. it isn't easy at all to practice what i preach, in fact i am still struggling everyday. similarly, it must be very extremely challenging for each person in their own situation. sometimes, i tell myself to stand up for myself is to love myself. but then i rmb, others before self. its okay to love myself i guess, but if i put myself before others, then i am not living the christian way, the way god meant us to live.

"Lord, teach me to be generous.
Teach me to serve you as you deserve;
to give and not to count the cost,
to fight and not to heed the wounds,
to toil and not to seek for rest,
to labor and not to ask for reward,
save that of knowing that I do your will."

-Prayer of Generosity by St. Ignatius of Loyola-

2011-05-22T23:53:00.005+08:00

Hullo good morning,

Why the fixation on those who left? Maybe it is because we feel a loss as individuals & friends. Maybe they were friends. Maybe they were just hi bye people to us. Maybe they once were close then you fell apart due to whatever it is. We also find it awkward to speak to someone once so close.

Perhaps it is time to examine why God gave us this attachment or regret. recall last friday's bible sharing there was a thing about how heaven is. What my heaven includes is that i would once again meet, not just meet, but share lives with people that crossed my path in life & possibly including others.

Simply, right now in this lives, if we choose not to include others, especially people who had been near & perhaps dear to us, what makes us think we would enter heaven in which we are able to love as god loves?

Not that we should go all out to bring people back. We are rather finite. But we should really try to love them by keeping them in our hearts & prayers, in hope that in god we will have lives together. & also, treasure the people we have with us now. Smile at a memory or 2 of those who were dear to us. Reconcile if you have to.

Night

SO stop thinking them as only ex-loggers but as people that shared something with you. Maybe that will lossen tongue-tying fears.

2011-05-19T11:10:00.002+08:00

smth tt rly struck me during parish recollection was how fr william kept going on abt e idea tt a group cannot be inward looking - "if u're inward looking, u will die!" the group must look outwards. there must be evangelism. evangelism not in the sense of increasing numbers and bringing more ppl to the faith (altho these are usually side effects). rather, evangelism in the sense of sharing our gifts, our knowledge, and above all, sharing God's word with others. a sharing not simply for the sake of sharing, but a sharing because we hv experienced smth so good and we want other ppl (esp our loved ones) to be part of tt experience.

fr william also said, "don't tell me about your vision; tell me about your mission." i think for most of e youth communities, our vision is community itself - a grp of brothers and sisters who love each other and are willing to give ourselves for one another. but what then is our mission?

it made me question the vision and mission of log. it made me question e entire concept of a community, in fact. if we as communities exist simply for being community, are we rly on e right path?

we floated an idea ard before: tt to reach out to others, we first hv to form ourselves. but i don't think tt's a wholly accurate structure. maybe in reaching outwards, we ourselves get formed internally. in giving, we receive. in doing, we grow.

my own ideas on these issues are not v coherent yet. i'm just bouncing them off here, because i think it's a gd time to think abt them since we're gonna discuss such matters on sunday.

mel

2011-05-09T15:24:00.002+08:00

Hi guys! I know I haven't been around much (and it seems like I've not met LOG in a long while :/), so I'm sorry for not being around and keeping in touch as much as I would like to even though exams are over :(

Anyway loads of people have been asking me how Vocation Discernment Retreat was for me (all expecting I'm gonna become a priest, hah.) so here's a post for me to jot down my reflections and so that I won't have to keep repeating myself!

My reason for going for the retreat was a decision made after a very confusing night of ado at CSC, due to the restlessness and questions in my heart. Prior to that I did consider going but reasons such as it being just after the exams and the fact that I just got into a relationship made me swing the other way. I guess God does have a plan for each one of us and I'm really really glad that I made the choice to take that leap of faith, despite all the fear I had within me.

Renewal of my Commitment to Jesus
This was my first take away from the retreat, which was a call for me to realign myself to living a full and meaningful Christian life. School has definitely taken its toll on my spiritual life and I found myself giving excuse after excuse for not maintaining a proper prayer life and for slacking off in many ways. I'm blessed to have been immersed in prayer (divine office, praise and worship, adoration, meditation, mass) during the retreat and that really reminded me of my first call to love Him, and to immerse myself in His presence.

Another important reminder was that of the need to steep oneself in SCRIPTURE (which ironically we call the Word of God but choose to ignore). This was a message that was constantly being emphasised by Fr. Alex, Fr. William and even the Archbishop himself. It is the Word of God that forms us, guides us, challenges us, and encourages us, through the action of the Holy Spirit who uses these words to prompt our hearts. My "back to holiness" regimen consists of meditating on the day's reading and Gospel, and I urge each of you (especially those on holidays) to join me in this journey (:

Reconciliation
Ahh, I had a pretty good confession this time round, and witnessed the power of being really sincere in confessing my sins. I was struggling a lot with fear that I might be called to be His priest, and how that might impact my current relationship with Gwen, and came to a realisation that I may have been suprressing and ignoring God's voice out of this fear. It was through the Sacrament of Reconciliation that I was able to ask for the grace to let go of my own perspective of what I thought was the best for me , and instead embrace what God knows is the best for me

The phrase that describes this experience would be a "liberation to love". It was a liberation to love God, and to avail myself to be open to whatever call He has in store for me. At the same time, it was a liberation to love Gwen more fully, by allowing myself to be honest with her since the question of my vocation is not a question to be answered by myself alone, but by the both of us. I felt so free after confession and I was able to adore the blessed sacrament so much more. If we have been struggling with hearing God's voice and wondering where He is, look no further - an HONEST confession is the key to returning to His heart.

Is there a call?
So that brings me back to the question (which I bet all of you are dying to ask): Am I called to priesthood? Honestly, I do not know. It feels as if this is a proper start of my discernment journey, after the realisation that I have to be honest with myself (and others) if I want to avail myself to God completely. One thing is for sure, and that is that I'm not closing the door towards a priestly vocation anytime soon, till God shows me otherwise. There is much to do now - sorting out the various emotions and feelings within my heart and discerning the source of them, but I am glad that I am able to do this with an open heart and willingness to embrace His plan for me.

One important thing that I realised is that the discernment of our individual vocation should not be our focus and sole concern. What should be preoccupying our minds 24/7 should be the deepening of our intimacy of the Lord. I remember someone asking Fr. William "how do you know if you love God?". His answer struck me as something so simple yet true, "you know you love someone when you desire intimacy". The discovery and acceptance of our vocation is the result of the love we have for the Lord, and should not be the end point or ultimate goal.

Of course, this does not mean we do not think about what God is calling us to be at all, for that would be an avoidance of something so integral to our lives. Br. Sam shared with me that the reason why so many marriages are failing is possibly due to the fact that marriage is not their vocation! Vocation is a way of living, and that way of living corresponds to how best (based on our gifts, charisms etc) we can love God. It is with this that I end this note, and encourage ALL guys to keep an open mind about priesthood as a vocation, and to take that leap of faith and answer His call when you do feel prompted to find out more.

The next Vocation Discernment Retreat is in the first week of August, I won't be able to go since I'll be flying off to Madrid for WYD 2011, but I recommend all you guys to go for it (: And for those attached, please ask for the blessings of your other half before going! :D

Love,
Soo